What if I could free myself from the longing for love
And if I first, could truly look within
Taking care of the present I have facing me
What if I could focus on the things I already have
And the qualities I want to improve
I want to be the best I can be
Read more
Write more
Create more
Run bigger mountains
Swim with the current
I want to be a more dedicated worker
And allow myself to learn everyday
I want to forget routine and an tired eye
I want to see everyday for the first time
Paying more attention to the sun
To the people around me
To this world that reveals more and more of itself every second
I want to sing along
And transform every bad feeling into flower or production
I want to use every neuron of my brain and every muscle in my body
I want to be useful
And sincere
I want to never stop
Never get tired
I want to forget rules and conventions
And live my own path
I want to be independent but tender
Strong but vulnerable
Tough but fragile
I want to be enigma
Morphing every day
Transforming
Transcending into the best of me
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Monday, November 05, 2007
Great Love
Longing a great love
Longing that feeling of devastation
Yellow butterflies flying around my stomach
I want to love
I want to love and let go
And be one but also two
I want to be his accomplice
His partner in love and crime
His woman
I want passion and dreams
Sweat and tears
Pleasure and laughter
I want his taste in my mouth
I want to live together
To grow together
To one day have little ones
I want to improve and inspire each other
To be there for each other
To never forget individuality
I want to have my life
But also a life of two
I want to know his smell from miles away
And lose myself in our sex
I want to be passionate
Affectionate
I want to be the apple of his eye
To have the chills just thinking about him
To French kiss him for hours and hours
I want to share my last piece
And nurture him when needed
I want to accept his flaws
I want to earn him
I'm ready for a great love
Longing that feeling of devastation
Yellow butterflies flying around my stomach
I want to love
I want to love and let go
And be one but also two
I want to be his accomplice
His partner in love and crime
His woman
I want passion and dreams
Sweat and tears
Pleasure and laughter
I want his taste in my mouth
I want to live together
To grow together
To one day have little ones
I want to improve and inspire each other
To be there for each other
To never forget individuality
I want to have my life
But also a life of two
I want to know his smell from miles away
And lose myself in our sex
I want to be passionate
Affectionate
I want to be the apple of his eye
To have the chills just thinking about him
To French kiss him for hours and hours
I want to share my last piece
And nurture him when needed
I want to accept his flaws
I want to earn him
I'm ready for a great love
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Thursday, October 04, 2007
Mind Game
Same planet
Different ground
We still share the same moon
Even though different stars align our skies
Weird dynamic this long distance thing has
The lack of communication brings drowning consequences
If we don't talk for a day
Or if it's just petty talk with no love
It feels really ordinary
And I slowly drift away from it afterward
What is left is a feeling only nurtured by memories
By the day, they turn more and more yellow
The drawer where you reside gets dustier
The voice on the phone gets less familiar
We've been lacking romance
Sometimes it feels like an old friend
That I keep insisting not to forget
I don't want one more friend
I don't want a mild relationship simply to take away my heart
There is no longing for someone just to fulfill that space
Someone to bottle up my sexuality and love
And take no sips out of it
The joy becomes questions
The certainty melts into thousands of little wonders
And I begin to ask myself what am I doing
It's that recurrent thought that keeps coming back when there is no excitement
Why am I holding on to so little?
When this all feels just ordinary
I end up trying to relive the days we shared
To refresh the way I felt with you
I keep trying to remember how you feel against my skin
How you taste
How you smell
I could bear not knowing your smell anymore
Even not being able to draw your face in my eyes
But I can't bear lacking on excitement
I don't want to become oblivious
You become a distant voice through the phone cord
Unrevealed words on my phone screen
An electronic reminiscence of the man I chose to see
What's the point
Better just uncommit
And let it be
Different ground
We still share the same moon
Even though different stars align our skies
Weird dynamic this long distance thing has
The lack of communication brings drowning consequences
If we don't talk for a day
Or if it's just petty talk with no love
It feels really ordinary
And I slowly drift away from it afterward
What is left is a feeling only nurtured by memories
By the day, they turn more and more yellow
The drawer where you reside gets dustier
The voice on the phone gets less familiar
We've been lacking romance
Sometimes it feels like an old friend
That I keep insisting not to forget
I don't want one more friend
I don't want a mild relationship simply to take away my heart
There is no longing for someone just to fulfill that space
Someone to bottle up my sexuality and love
And take no sips out of it
The joy becomes questions
The certainty melts into thousands of little wonders
And I begin to ask myself what am I doing
It's that recurrent thought that keeps coming back when there is no excitement
Why am I holding on to so little?
When this all feels just ordinary
I end up trying to relive the days we shared
To refresh the way I felt with you
I keep trying to remember how you feel against my skin
How you taste
How you smell
I could bear not knowing your smell anymore
Even not being able to draw your face in my eyes
But I can't bear lacking on excitement
I don't want to become oblivious
You become a distant voice through the phone cord
Unrevealed words on my phone screen
An electronic reminiscence of the man I chose to see
What's the point
Better just uncommit
And let it be
Monday, October 01, 2007
Cultural Influence
Aging has been changing my character profoundly
There is a new "giving" side of me rising
lately I started this thing of voluntarily helping random people
Despite of my up-bringing by a proudly politically incorrect dad
With his remarkable statements such as "nothing worst than doing favors"
I've been very surprised by my change of behavior
It'd be ok if it was only that one single case of helping wasted Britney Spears puke in a Hollywood bar
I know, I know! She is still a human being though...I had to
But anyway, this past Friday I caught myself literally car chasing a thug that had just mugged and old man which I'd probably never be able to find again
I'm serious
I was coming out of a parking garage
Out of the blue, I saw a man running out of The Grove letting stuff fall from underneath his shirt
Security was all over the place running after him
And a shocked well dressed old man checking his pockets hopelessly
I couldn't believe I was the only one actually with the sight of the thief
And even though I was doing an important run for work with very limited time
I surprisingly decided to put my tasks aside
And go catch the bad wolf
After driving through narrow alleys
Doing all kinds of illegal turns
While relating every detail to 911
Which - weirdly enough - advised me to keep chasing him
Despite the fact that I am just an ordinary civilian
Unarmed and alone
And we had no idea of how dangerous he might be
After watching him changing clothes while running
And eventually noticing me
The crazy girl in the little Civic
Following him like a mad cow
After telling 911 that I eventually would have to give up
And move on with my daily tasks
And being intensively advised not to stop the chase
I finally see a cop car
Which I repeatedly try to stop while they pretended not to see me
Eventually I had to jump out of my car and run after the cops
While I potentially could have had lost sight of my dear thug
I was then told by them that they couldn't help me
"But wait, there he is, see, can you guys please just catch him, he's 20 feet way"
"Are you still with 911 on the phone?"
"Yes Sir, They told me to chase him while waiting for you guys"
"Well, you're doing a great job, just make sure you keep chasing him and don't hang up with 911. We can't help you, but have a nice day"
And just like that, the so-called heroes drove away with no qualms
Eating their sugary donuts
laughing at the funny immigrant
that probably inspired by her border crossing skills
Was now running after the bad guys
They left their task to me
Just like I was the one supposed to serve and protect
To drop my ordinary life
And spend my Friday afternoon catching a thief with my bare hands
I was shocked
I sat back in my driver seat
Watching my beloved friend drift away into the streets of Hollywood
With what was left of the old man's belongings under his shirt
While I felt so important and impotent at the same time
I began wondering since when this Hero conduct
Started building inside me
And more importantly
Why???
Coming from a 3rd world country
Watching violence through my little eyes since early age
Having been mugged at gun point several times
Car jacked,kidnapped and all the violence one can think of
Having always behaved like a fragile and friendly victim
I was very surprised with my gut reaction
It felt that being in US
Having safety as one of the biggest reasons
That I feel better here than in Rio
I felt like I couldn't allow impunity
To shatter my "American-way-of-life"
Perhaps, since living in such a citizen-oriented culture
Where people actually respect each others rights
And impunity doesn't work as well as in Brazil
Perhaps, I've been becoming more caring
I now let cars pass in front of me even though they are skipping the whole line
I respect the majority of the traffic rules
Even not crossing a red stop light at 4 in the morning
I don't honk
I tell a random peasant that a $100 fell from his pocket
I think twice before having some PDA
I give 25% tips
I cordially say "Hi, how are you?" to people I don't know
I say "excuse-me" and "thank you" for any given reason
I don't bump into people while walking on the street
I actually respect the arm-length rule of personal space
I even helped and old lady cross a busy street the other day
Strange, man
So unlikely coming from my sly/only-care-for-your-ass cultural background
Here I am, voluntarily becoming an exemplary citizen
What the fuck?
I can hear my dad saying
"Are you trying to be on the News????"
Sorry dad, I'll try not to disappoint you too much
There is a new "giving" side of me rising
lately I started this thing of voluntarily helping random people
Despite of my up-bringing by a proudly politically incorrect dad
With his remarkable statements such as "nothing worst than doing favors"
I've been very surprised by my change of behavior
It'd be ok if it was only that one single case of helping wasted Britney Spears puke in a Hollywood bar
I know, I know! She is still a human being though...I had to
But anyway, this past Friday I caught myself literally car chasing a thug that had just mugged and old man which I'd probably never be able to find again
I'm serious
I was coming out of a parking garage
Out of the blue, I saw a man running out of The Grove letting stuff fall from underneath his shirt
Security was all over the place running after him
And a shocked well dressed old man checking his pockets hopelessly
I couldn't believe I was the only one actually with the sight of the thief
And even though I was doing an important run for work with very limited time
I surprisingly decided to put my tasks aside
And go catch the bad wolf
After driving through narrow alleys
Doing all kinds of illegal turns
While relating every detail to 911
Which - weirdly enough - advised me to keep chasing him
Despite the fact that I am just an ordinary civilian
Unarmed and alone
And we had no idea of how dangerous he might be
After watching him changing clothes while running
And eventually noticing me
The crazy girl in the little Civic
Following him like a mad cow
After telling 911 that I eventually would have to give up
And move on with my daily tasks
And being intensively advised not to stop the chase
I finally see a cop car
Which I repeatedly try to stop while they pretended not to see me
Eventually I had to jump out of my car and run after the cops
While I potentially could have had lost sight of my dear thug
I was then told by them that they couldn't help me
"But wait, there he is, see, can you guys please just catch him, he's 20 feet way"
"Are you still with 911 on the phone?"
"Yes Sir, They told me to chase him while waiting for you guys"
"Well, you're doing a great job, just make sure you keep chasing him and don't hang up with 911. We can't help you, but have a nice day"
And just like that, the so-called heroes drove away with no qualms
Eating their sugary donuts
laughing at the funny immigrant
that probably inspired by her border crossing skills
Was now running after the bad guys
They left their task to me
Just like I was the one supposed to serve and protect
To drop my ordinary life
And spend my Friday afternoon catching a thief with my bare hands
I was shocked
I sat back in my driver seat
Watching my beloved friend drift away into the streets of Hollywood
With what was left of the old man's belongings under his shirt
While I felt so important and impotent at the same time
I began wondering since when this Hero conduct
Started building inside me
And more importantly
Why???
Coming from a 3rd world country
Watching violence through my little eyes since early age
Having been mugged at gun point several times
Car jacked,kidnapped and all the violence one can think of
Having always behaved like a fragile and friendly victim
I was very surprised with my gut reaction
It felt that being in US
Having safety as one of the biggest reasons
That I feel better here than in Rio
I felt like I couldn't allow impunity
To shatter my "American-way-of-life"
Perhaps, since living in such a citizen-oriented culture
Where people actually respect each others rights
And impunity doesn't work as well as in Brazil
Perhaps, I've been becoming more caring
I now let cars pass in front of me even though they are skipping the whole line
I respect the majority of the traffic rules
Even not crossing a red stop light at 4 in the morning
I don't honk
I tell a random peasant that a $100 fell from his pocket
I think twice before having some PDA
I give 25% tips
I cordially say "Hi, how are you?" to people I don't know
I say "excuse-me" and "thank you" for any given reason
I don't bump into people while walking on the street
I actually respect the arm-length rule of personal space
I even helped and old lady cross a busy street the other day
Strange, man
So unlikely coming from my sly/only-care-for-your-ass cultural background
Here I am, voluntarily becoming an exemplary citizen
What the fuck?
I can hear my dad saying
"Are you trying to be on the News????"
Sorry dad, I'll try not to disappoint you too much
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Cresci
Amadureci
Mudei
Não tenho mais tempo para desperdício
Para joguinho
Palhaçada
Sou mulher para caralho
Pacote completo
Cheia de possibilidades
Flexível
Mas não me empurra
Não se faz de desavisado
E não tente me confundir
Não sou de meio termo
Mais ou Menos não vale a pena
Quero tudo ou nada
Então sai do muro
Fode ou sai de cima
A fila anda
Vai se fazer de gostoso
Vai sobrar a pangarezada de audiência
Eu pulo fora rapidinho
Quando menos viu
Cadê Teresa?
Que pena
Amadureci
Mudei
Não tenho mais tempo para desperdício
Para joguinho
Palhaçada
Sou mulher para caralho
Pacote completo
Cheia de possibilidades
Flexível
Mas não me empurra
Não se faz de desavisado
E não tente me confundir
Não sou de meio termo
Mais ou Menos não vale a pena
Quero tudo ou nada
Então sai do muro
Fode ou sai de cima
A fila anda
Vai se fazer de gostoso
Vai sobrar a pangarezada de audiência
Eu pulo fora rapidinho
Quando menos viu
Cadê Teresa?
Que pena
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Pet Phones
Weird relationships people establish with their phones
The other day I woke up and my phone was pitch-black,
unworkable and seemly un-fixable
I desperately tried to turn it off and on
I took the battery out and put it back in
I connected to my car charger
I watch the little red light go on - hopehopehope
And immediately off
Heavy dark-grayed clouds stormed over my little spot on the freeway
I felt my whole world falling down into a gray blurry
I wondered if the boy-toys called twenty five times even though it wasn't even weekend
I wondered how many work calls I missed
How many e-mails I wouldn't know I got until I get to the office in 20 endless minutes
What if something happened to my family in Brazil
What if I get into an accident, how am I going to call someone????
I felt an immediate urge to call all my friends
Acquaintances
All the people I haven't talked in years were now suddenly a necessity to be reached
I felt lonely in my car
Unreachable
I got stressed out
After many frustrated costumer service calls and all kinds of different procedures to follow
After listening to the hideous automatic voice giving me every option I don't want
and listening to old kylle Minogue electronically singing badly out of my lousy speakers
After even contemplating sending the broken-english representative to hell
I decided to plug my phone charger into the wall outlet as a last try
Just because I had to know I done it all under my power
At first it tricked me for a second
The light went on and off again as the first time
I got so disappointed that I left right there
Connected to the outlet
Simply having given up
And all of a sudden
No shit
There it was the bright and shinny little fucker ironically smiling at me
Perfectly functioning
I realized that I'm so obsessed on having it handy that over the whole year that I've had this particular crack-berry I'd never let it completely run out of battery
It was the first time that my phone ever died
I then realized that
I feed it better than I water my plants
I maintain it better than my shaving schedule
I sleep with it right next to my head
Hoping to sleep deep enough not to wake up with its notifications
And it's the first thing I look at when I open my eye in the morning
(Am I lacking a romantic relationship in my life???)
It's better taken care of than my ex-boyfriend's cats
It's more valuable than my wallet (really????)
I can hear from miles away the first vibrations before the ring comes out
Excitement pumping my chest
Who is it?
Who could it be?
Sudden hope of don't know what
I get the news
I share my pics
I e-mail my dad in Brazil
I sex-text the loved one
I check my calendar and say no to jobs I want
I play video games waiting for my Starbucks
I conference call/Video call/Ichat/Mapquest/save passwords/set alarms/file people's personal info/Google anything I can think of
I live through this little technological brick on my hands
Walking around tinseltown I watch random people speaking out loud to no one
Too involved in their blue-tooth conversations
Lost with all the different voices in their heads
Having their calls dropped
Three people on call-wait
E-mails running into text messages into peoples messages into live people words
Bombs over Bagdah in their ears
Every little sound coming out of it announcing possibilities
All through that tiny hole
All at once
I spend more time on my phone than with anyone else
Fucking modernity
So connected to people's gadgets
So far from their live presences
P.S.: How ironic life is, guess which job I'm working while I write this: Iphone...
The other day I woke up and my phone was pitch-black,
unworkable and seemly un-fixable
I desperately tried to turn it off and on
I took the battery out and put it back in
I connected to my car charger
I watch the little red light go on - hopehopehope
And immediately off
Heavy dark-grayed clouds stormed over my little spot on the freeway
I felt my whole world falling down into a gray blurry
I wondered if the boy-toys called twenty five times even though it wasn't even weekend
I wondered how many work calls I missed
How many e-mails I wouldn't know I got until I get to the office in 20 endless minutes
What if something happened to my family in Brazil
What if I get into an accident, how am I going to call someone????
I felt an immediate urge to call all my friends
Acquaintances
All the people I haven't talked in years were now suddenly a necessity to be reached
I felt lonely in my car
Unreachable
I got stressed out
After many frustrated costumer service calls and all kinds of different procedures to follow
After listening to the hideous automatic voice giving me every option I don't want
and listening to old kylle Minogue electronically singing badly out of my lousy speakers
After even contemplating sending the broken-english representative to hell
I decided to plug my phone charger into the wall outlet as a last try
Just because I had to know I done it all under my power
At first it tricked me for a second
The light went on and off again as the first time
I got so disappointed that I left right there
Connected to the outlet
Simply having given up
And all of a sudden
No shit
There it was the bright and shinny little fucker ironically smiling at me
Perfectly functioning
I realized that I'm so obsessed on having it handy that over the whole year that I've had this particular crack-berry I'd never let it completely run out of battery
It was the first time that my phone ever died
I then realized that
I feed it better than I water my plants
I maintain it better than my shaving schedule
I sleep with it right next to my head
Hoping to sleep deep enough not to wake up with its notifications
And it's the first thing I look at when I open my eye in the morning
(Am I lacking a romantic relationship in my life???)
It's better taken care of than my ex-boyfriend's cats
It's more valuable than my wallet (really????)
I can hear from miles away the first vibrations before the ring comes out
Excitement pumping my chest
Who is it?
Who could it be?
Sudden hope of don't know what
I get the news
I share my pics
I e-mail my dad in Brazil
I sex-text the loved one
I check my calendar and say no to jobs I want
I play video games waiting for my Starbucks
I conference call/Video call/Ichat/Mapquest/save passwords/set alarms/file people's personal info/Google anything I can think of
I live through this little technological brick on my hands
Walking around tinseltown I watch random people speaking out loud to no one
Too involved in their blue-tooth conversations
Lost with all the different voices in their heads
Having their calls dropped
Three people on call-wait
E-mails running into text messages into peoples messages into live people words
Bombs over Bagdah in their ears
Every little sound coming out of it announcing possibilities
All through that tiny hole
All at once
I spend more time on my phone than with anyone else
Fucking modernity
So connected to people's gadgets
So far from their live presences
P.S.: How ironic life is, guess which job I'm working while I write this: Iphone...
A job went away
Reciclagem
Mudança
Transição
Corrente estagnada atrás de pedregulho
Não é verdade!
Perspectiva é a alma do comportamento
Oportunidade que vai para nova porta poder abrir
Cada chave uma decisão
Faz da merda adubo
Encara problema com solução
Entende que da crise vem a oportunidade
O crescimento
Respeita a calmaria
Aguenta a instabilidade
Poupe
Seja sensata com dinheiro
Aprende!
Mudança
Transição
Corrente estagnada atrás de pedregulho
Não é verdade!
Perspectiva é a alma do comportamento
Oportunidade que vai para nova porta poder abrir
Cada chave uma decisão
Faz da merda adubo
Encara problema com solução
Entende que da crise vem a oportunidade
O crescimento
Respeita a calmaria
Aguenta a instabilidade
Poupe
Seja sensata com dinheiro
Aprende!
Friday, September 21, 2007
You
In my chest
all at once
Revolution
Two souls evolving into phenomenon
Every particle in communion by osmoses
Together we are empowered
You full moon changing my tide
Sterling ocean-blue eyes shining my brain's sky
Pipeline wave pleasantly breaking into every grain of my sand ground
You massive earthquake
Endless aftermath
Your voice Bossa Nova in my ears
Each syllable smoothly resonating through my cells
Jazz Sax playing in my soul
Our rivers merge into an ocean
Disregarding edges
Unforgiving limits
Too early for expectations, plans, ideas
Great just because of the intensity of such an easy feeling
Disregarding agendas and possibilities
Forgetting distance and realities
It doesn't matter tomorrow
Either any possible prospect
I feed you in me just for the sake of your taste in my tongue
I write you now just because i enjoy you swimming through my mind
I'm not scared either anxious
I'm just desiring you for the pleasure that comes with it
Desire that immediately becomes production
And if tomorrow we don't see each other anymore
If life draws us separate paths
It worthed enough for me to feel all this to the point of
Inevitably shoving these words into a blank paper
I write you because it wasn't enough keeping this golden storm in my body
I'm writing simply because I have to
all at once
Revolution
Two souls evolving into phenomenon
Every particle in communion by osmoses
Together we are empowered
You full moon changing my tide
Sterling ocean-blue eyes shining my brain's sky
Pipeline wave pleasantly breaking into every grain of my sand ground
You massive earthquake
Endless aftermath
Your voice Bossa Nova in my ears
Each syllable smoothly resonating through my cells
Jazz Sax playing in my soul
Our rivers merge into an ocean
Disregarding edges
Unforgiving limits
Too early for expectations, plans, ideas
Great just because of the intensity of such an easy feeling
Disregarding agendas and possibilities
Forgetting distance and realities
It doesn't matter tomorrow
Either any possible prospect
I feed you in me just for the sake of your taste in my tongue
I write you now just because i enjoy you swimming through my mind
I'm not scared either anxious
I'm just desiring you for the pleasure that comes with it
Desire that immediately becomes production
And if tomorrow we don't see each other anymore
If life draws us separate paths
It worthed enough for me to feel all this to the point of
Inevitably shoving these words into a blank paper
I write you because it wasn't enough keeping this golden storm in my body
I'm writing simply because I have to
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Namorar Melhor
Chega de repetição
Quero fazer tudo diferente
Cansei dos mesmos ciclos
Quero amor duradouro
que chega para ficar
to exausta de enjoar, cansar, desanimar
Quero aprender a alimentar mais amor menos paixão
Crescer juntos coisa e tal
gerar história
construir estrutura
Compartilhar a vida
Quero namoro para anos
para vida
Quero tesão que não vai embora
Cansei de infinito enquanto dure
Quero amar muito
Ser cúmplice
Parceria
Quero admirar meu amor
Amá-lo
Nos inspirarmos um ao outro
Quero aprender a me comprometer melhor
A aceitar
A sobreviver o difícil
Cansei do "homem do ano"
Do homem da hora
Cansei de descartar
Jogar para o alto
Deixar para tráz
Quero reaprender a amar
Quero fazer tudo diferente
Cansei dos mesmos ciclos
Quero amor duradouro
que chega para ficar
to exausta de enjoar, cansar, desanimar
Quero aprender a alimentar mais amor menos paixão
Crescer juntos coisa e tal
gerar história
construir estrutura
Compartilhar a vida
Quero namoro para anos
para vida
Quero tesão que não vai embora
Cansei de infinito enquanto dure
Quero amar muito
Ser cúmplice
Parceria
Quero admirar meu amor
Amá-lo
Nos inspirarmos um ao outro
Quero aprender a me comprometer melhor
A aceitar
A sobreviver o difícil
Cansei do "homem do ano"
Do homem da hora
Cansei de descartar
Jogar para o alto
Deixar para tráz
Quero reaprender a amar
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Fuck Buddie
Somos um para o outro dois putinhos
Nos vendendo nossos corpos
Por prazer promíscuo
Tenho idéia vaga do que reside por baixo da sua superfície
Meus olhos te traduzem em carne fresca
Quero seu gemido e corpo
Quero seu gozo e só
Quero você sem conseqüências
Sem amanhã
Depois de meia noite te vejo abóbora
Te uso
Eu, usufruto do teu prazer
Quero você pelado
Rasgado
Se esfregando no meu corpo suado
Quero você inteiro só por hoje
Sem sobrenome
Sem parentes
Sem história
Quero seu sexo extravasado em perversões
Quero pensar duas vezes antes de dizer teu nome
Quero você sem nome
Te vejo lindo
Dourado
Escaneando da sua altura a mulherada perdida
Te vi lá do outro lado
No pedestal que você constrói toda vez que sai da toca
Se achando o famoso que a carreira condiz
Não quero saber da novela passada
Nem da mulher famosa com que foi casado
Não quero sua glória
Menos ainda sua fama
Só quero teu corpo pelado gritando pelo meu
Não precisa se fazer de inocente
Nem de ser Querido sem ser
Esqueça palavrinhas dobradas
Promessas vazias
Só queremos nossos contornos
Talvez estejamos subestimando um ao outro
Mesmo até estejamos desperdiçando amizade
Saudade
E tudo mais que dois humanos podem acrescentar um ao outro
Pouco me importa
Sei seus motivos
Limito os meus aos mesmos
Não precisamos de caridade
Falsa ternura
Venho procurando um homem objeto há um tempo
Parece bom encaixe
Me pega safado, apertado, me morde
Me devassa e me amassa
Me arregaça em fantasias eróticas
Quero você jogado em minha cama
Sorrindo cansado
Olhos dois diamantes latejados
Somos um para o outro puro fetiche
Pura possibilidade
Seu corpo pesa gostoso sobre o meu
Quero desejo sem necessidade
Sem compromisso
Quero seu beijo por horas sem freio
Sem precisar saber da sua infância
Não me confunda
Estamos no mesmo barco
Queremos a mesma coisa um do outro
Então se deixe
Se largue em meus braços só por hoje
E para o amanhã
Só o que sobra são boas lembranças
Nos vendendo nossos corpos
Por prazer promíscuo
Tenho idéia vaga do que reside por baixo da sua superfície
Meus olhos te traduzem em carne fresca
Quero seu gemido e corpo
Quero seu gozo e só
Quero você sem conseqüências
Sem amanhã
Depois de meia noite te vejo abóbora
Te uso
Eu, usufruto do teu prazer
Quero você pelado
Rasgado
Se esfregando no meu corpo suado
Quero você inteiro só por hoje
Sem sobrenome
Sem parentes
Sem história
Quero seu sexo extravasado em perversões
Quero pensar duas vezes antes de dizer teu nome
Quero você sem nome
Te vejo lindo
Dourado
Escaneando da sua altura a mulherada perdida
Te vi lá do outro lado
No pedestal que você constrói toda vez que sai da toca
Se achando o famoso que a carreira condiz
Não quero saber da novela passada
Nem da mulher famosa com que foi casado
Não quero sua glória
Menos ainda sua fama
Só quero teu corpo pelado gritando pelo meu
Não precisa se fazer de inocente
Nem de ser Querido sem ser
Esqueça palavrinhas dobradas
Promessas vazias
Só queremos nossos contornos
Talvez estejamos subestimando um ao outro
Mesmo até estejamos desperdiçando amizade
Saudade
E tudo mais que dois humanos podem acrescentar um ao outro
Pouco me importa
Sei seus motivos
Limito os meus aos mesmos
Não precisamos de caridade
Falsa ternura
Venho procurando um homem objeto há um tempo
Parece bom encaixe
Me pega safado, apertado, me morde
Me devassa e me amassa
Me arregaça em fantasias eróticas
Quero você jogado em minha cama
Sorrindo cansado
Olhos dois diamantes latejados
Somos um para o outro puro fetiche
Pura possibilidade
Seu corpo pesa gostoso sobre o meu
Quero desejo sem necessidade
Sem compromisso
Quero seu beijo por horas sem freio
Sem precisar saber da sua infância
Não me confunda
Estamos no mesmo barco
Queremos a mesma coisa um do outro
Então se deixe
Se largue em meus braços só por hoje
E para o amanhã
Só o que sobra são boas lembranças
Monday, September 10, 2007
The Question
Monday, September 10, 2007 – Immediately after the shock
The Question
I had to ask
He told me there is someone new
Someone that fits better
He said they have more in common
It's an age thing he said
It's too early for him to say he's in love
I was joking when I asked about a new love
He answered yes
My body chocked up in a tight knot
I was kidding
He wasn't
I fought the massive heartbeat with kind words
Not really kind
More like a blazé - far from blazé - inquire
I saw my heart pouring through the seven holes in my head
I had to shut myself
I got utterly curious
I got utterly hurt
I have no right to be hurt
I just wasn't prepared
I'm seating here battling against my brain
Battling to let it go
I stare at all the frivolous work in front of me
Everything looking so secondary
Floating around my table
My brain is everywhere but here
I was still thinking about him
I've wondered if I was still in love
The conflict between reality and potential getting me stuck in the middle
I was in love with the man I saw on him
It wasn't a mistaken idea of who he is
But a very clear notion of the man he hides inside
I got driven away by the waste of that great man
That for so long has been left alone in an old dusty drawer
I couldn't bear not having the best of him
I wasn't settling for the reminiscences of a Viking warrior
Turn into a sad kitten
It's like going black - so they say
Once you go there you can't step back
I wanted to do the best for him
I wanted to be the best for him
It wasn't enough
Perhaps it was too much
It just wasn't right
It's been a long farewell
I haven't gotten completely over
It embarrasses me to admit it
But I haven't
Until now I was still swimming on "ifs"
The other day I watched a movie called Dedication
It turn me inside out
For a second I forgot all the facts
I felt overflowed with an empty hope
It filled me up with wishful thoughts
Since then, I chose to remember the best of us
I remembered him full of himself
That one night he met my friends
He was so freaking well put together
Blue sweater, "Italian pure silk" beige blazer, new jeans…
Tanned
Happy
He was eleven feet tall that night
Golden and self-assured
He stood quiet through dinner but he was transpiring confidence
He was shining
He is brilliant
He was on his peek during those weeks
We were eating out, beaching, taking especial photos
We were even talking about dancing naked
I was so proud to see the improvement
I was so stunned with the new layers
I was so happy with us
I had the best intentions
Suddenly everything became blurry
I didn't see it coming
I couldn't tell what was going inside him
I only learned it when it was all already blocked
It was all already gone
I tried every way I could
I couldn't take it
I had to leave
I admit I got caught up in the forecast
Everything I felt we were becoming together pushed me in
I was astonished and happy with the You
With the Us I believed we were living
And I pushed it hard without noticing
Too hard
But I refuse to take sole responsibility
The other day, while complimenting an ex-boyfriend that had such great influence in my life, I was told by him that he refused to take the credit
He said
We all influence each other
One chooses to take it positively or negatively
I wanted Erik to be on his best
It felt like I wanted more than he did
Love is not enough
The Question
I had to ask
He told me there is someone new
Someone that fits better
He said they have more in common
It's an age thing he said
It's too early for him to say he's in love
I was joking when I asked about a new love
He answered yes
My body chocked up in a tight knot
I was kidding
He wasn't
I fought the massive heartbeat with kind words
Not really kind
More like a blazé - far from blazé - inquire
I saw my heart pouring through the seven holes in my head
I had to shut myself
I got utterly curious
I got utterly hurt
I have no right to be hurt
I just wasn't prepared
I'm seating here battling against my brain
Battling to let it go
I stare at all the frivolous work in front of me
Everything looking so secondary
Floating around my table
My brain is everywhere but here
I was still thinking about him
I've wondered if I was still in love
The conflict between reality and potential getting me stuck in the middle
I was in love with the man I saw on him
It wasn't a mistaken idea of who he is
But a very clear notion of the man he hides inside
I got driven away by the waste of that great man
That for so long has been left alone in an old dusty drawer
I couldn't bear not having the best of him
I wasn't settling for the reminiscences of a Viking warrior
Turn into a sad kitten
It's like going black - so they say
Once you go there you can't step back
I wanted to do the best for him
I wanted to be the best for him
It wasn't enough
Perhaps it was too much
It just wasn't right
It's been a long farewell
I haven't gotten completely over
It embarrasses me to admit it
But I haven't
Until now I was still swimming on "ifs"
The other day I watched a movie called Dedication
It turn me inside out
For a second I forgot all the facts
I felt overflowed with an empty hope
It filled me up with wishful thoughts
Since then, I chose to remember the best of us
I remembered him full of himself
That one night he met my friends
He was so freaking well put together
Blue sweater, "Italian pure silk" beige blazer, new jeans…
Tanned
Happy
He was eleven feet tall that night
Golden and self-assured
He stood quiet through dinner but he was transpiring confidence
He was shining
He is brilliant
He was on his peek during those weeks
We were eating out, beaching, taking especial photos
We were even talking about dancing naked
I was so proud to see the improvement
I was so stunned with the new layers
I was so happy with us
I had the best intentions
Suddenly everything became blurry
I didn't see it coming
I couldn't tell what was going inside him
I only learned it when it was all already blocked
It was all already gone
I tried every way I could
I couldn't take it
I had to leave
I admit I got caught up in the forecast
Everything I felt we were becoming together pushed me in
I was astonished and happy with the You
With the Us I believed we were living
And I pushed it hard without noticing
Too hard
But I refuse to take sole responsibility
The other day, while complimenting an ex-boyfriend that had such great influence in my life, I was told by him that he refused to take the credit
He said
We all influence each other
One chooses to take it positively or negatively
I wanted Erik to be on his best
It felt like I wanted more than he did
Love is not enough
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Divino
Quero céu aberto
Sem pirambeira nem murada
De onde posso ver todo hemisfério que carrega meu chão
Vez em quando danço em circúlos desatados de braços abertos brincando com o vento
Fazendo do ar meu namorado mais antigo
Sei então que sou feita da mesma terra do mesmo céu do mesmo ar que respiro
Água corrente que nossos corpos são
De cabeça mergulho em parafusos nesse oceanão azul
Viro água-pedra-peixe
Esqueço dos limites da pele que proteje minha carne
Ignoro minhas fronteiras
Sou fluído divino das mesmas partículas que formam toda matéria
Sou planeta
Somos Universo
Somos todos um só organismo pulsante
Transbordante de dor e alegria amor e guerra luz e escuridão
Somos uma série de eventos afortunados
Um causando no outro e no outro e no outro
Num dominó infinito de afetos e consequências
Desencadeamos um ao outro tempestades e correntezas planetárias
Com isso todo humano é divino
Tudo que constítue esse mundo é por sí só um componente da mesma célula gigante
Dessa misteriosa galáxia
Desse Deus sem forma exata que mora em cada coisinha desse mundão
Venho encontrando o Divino em mim
Deus mora na gente
E me desculpe vovúxa amada
Isso não tem nada haver com religião
Sem pirambeira nem murada
De onde posso ver todo hemisfério que carrega meu chão
Vez em quando danço em circúlos desatados de braços abertos brincando com o vento
Fazendo do ar meu namorado mais antigo
Sei então que sou feita da mesma terra do mesmo céu do mesmo ar que respiro
Água corrente que nossos corpos são
De cabeça mergulho em parafusos nesse oceanão azul
Viro água-pedra-peixe
Esqueço dos limites da pele que proteje minha carne
Ignoro minhas fronteiras
Sou fluído divino das mesmas partículas que formam toda matéria
Sou planeta
Somos Universo
Somos todos um só organismo pulsante
Transbordante de dor e alegria amor e guerra luz e escuridão
Somos uma série de eventos afortunados
Um causando no outro e no outro e no outro
Num dominó infinito de afetos e consequências
Desencadeamos um ao outro tempestades e correntezas planetárias
Com isso todo humano é divino
Tudo que constítue esse mundo é por sí só um componente da mesma célula gigante
Dessa misteriosa galáxia
Desse Deus sem forma exata que mora em cada coisinha desse mundão
Venho encontrando o Divino em mim
Deus mora na gente
E me desculpe vovúxa amada
Isso não tem nada haver com religião
Monday, May 21, 2007
Amor Crescido
Amor é comprometimento
Amar é compreender
Readaptar
Aceitar
Hoje amo diferente
Paciência escapoliu do esconderijo
E virou dona do tempo
Amor todo amudurecido
Se amadurecendo
Te amo tranquila
Balanço de rede em praia deserta
Não tem correria de mundo moderno
Amor simples que sabe de si
Que não tem medo de estabilidade
De segurança
De consequência
E todo passado virou paixão sorrateira
Tudo que foi fica meio vazio
Palavra que não cabe no conceito
Venho aprendendo a amar
Nos vejo
E arrepio diferença
Formamos raíz
Regamos
Somos sementes
E cada dia nossos márgens ficam mais amorfas
Somos Um que forma dois indivíduos
Somos dois aprendendo esse Um paralelo
Sou sua
Deixa vir a correnteza
Amar é compreender
Readaptar
Aceitar
Hoje amo diferente
Paciência escapoliu do esconderijo
E virou dona do tempo
Amor todo amudurecido
Se amadurecendo
Te amo tranquila
Balanço de rede em praia deserta
Não tem correria de mundo moderno
Amor simples que sabe de si
Que não tem medo de estabilidade
De segurança
De consequência
E todo passado virou paixão sorrateira
Tudo que foi fica meio vazio
Palavra que não cabe no conceito
Venho aprendendo a amar
Nos vejo
E arrepio diferença
Formamos raíz
Regamos
Somos sementes
E cada dia nossos márgens ficam mais amorfas
Somos Um que forma dois indivíduos
Somos dois aprendendo esse Um paralelo
Sou sua
Deixa vir a correnteza
Friday, April 13, 2007
O Mundo é Um Moinho
Fugi para não cometer os mesmos erros
Fui embora sem saber
Nao fiz malas, não me despedi da família
Não olhei para trás desavidada de que não voltava mais
Fiz o melhor para mim sem intenção
Foram anos e anos de força de hábitos
De vida automatizada seguindo caminho que se escreve sozinho
Anos de planos de infância se concretizando
e de manias antigas fincando na pele
Anos de amores insólitos, amizades para vida e realidade dourada
Vida de certezas e segurança
Toalha de seda com franja de algodão
Deixei tudo para trás
Sai sorrateira, quietinha
Vazia de sonhos
Disse tchau sem saber que era Adeus
Até hoje não sei explicar direito como a decisão de não voltar se concretizou
Não sei se foi amor cego
Intenso que quase tortura
Ou sabedoria intrínsica que não se explica quando chega
Não sei como vim parar aqui
Sozinha
Sou tão diferente
Todo dia me aprendendo
Descobrindo esse Eu novo que floresceu
Sou resquício de deslumbre e retrato de garra
Vida aqui é de guerra
Salva-se quem puder
Toalha de algodão com franjinha de seda
Mas mudei para melhor
Olho para trás e acho que a essa altura do compeonato eu estaria cercada de armadilhas que montei pelos anos sem perceber
Vinda do berço de ouro que eu sinto que eu tive
Vivendo a vida em torno de romances
Acomodada com a certeza das minhas possibilidades
Euzona, lá sentada no trono que construi para mim
Hoje vivo em terra da provação
Todo dia é desafio, é sufoco
Correria e insegurança
Mundo estrangeiro
E nesse exato momentp, mais do que nunca estranho
Mas foi minha escolha, e é.
Virou
Agora tomo conta de mim
Construo futuro com suor e lágrima
Choro de saudade
Mas gargalho com a perspectiva de futuro em andamento
Hoje foi um dia difícil
e aqui tô eu
Fragilizada com a minha solidão
E com a batalha diária para provar à que vim
Dia em que quase esqueço
Que na maioria dos outros eu sempre encontro jeito de cantarolar
Dia nublado, assombrado
Quando fico triste assim me convenço de que vale a pena
Reforço cada conquista em minha cabecinha de beija-flor
E prometo para mim que vai ficar tudo bem.
Vai, não vai?
Fui embora sem saber
Nao fiz malas, não me despedi da família
Não olhei para trás desavidada de que não voltava mais
Fiz o melhor para mim sem intenção
Foram anos e anos de força de hábitos
De vida automatizada seguindo caminho que se escreve sozinho
Anos de planos de infância se concretizando
e de manias antigas fincando na pele
Anos de amores insólitos, amizades para vida e realidade dourada
Vida de certezas e segurança
Toalha de seda com franja de algodão
Deixei tudo para trás
Sai sorrateira, quietinha
Vazia de sonhos
Disse tchau sem saber que era Adeus
Até hoje não sei explicar direito como a decisão de não voltar se concretizou
Não sei se foi amor cego
Intenso que quase tortura
Ou sabedoria intrínsica que não se explica quando chega
Não sei como vim parar aqui
Sozinha
Sou tão diferente
Todo dia me aprendendo
Descobrindo esse Eu novo que floresceu
Sou resquício de deslumbre e retrato de garra
Vida aqui é de guerra
Salva-se quem puder
Toalha de algodão com franjinha de seda
Mas mudei para melhor
Olho para trás e acho que a essa altura do compeonato eu estaria cercada de armadilhas que montei pelos anos sem perceber
Vinda do berço de ouro que eu sinto que eu tive
Vivendo a vida em torno de romances
Acomodada com a certeza das minhas possibilidades
Euzona, lá sentada no trono que construi para mim
Hoje vivo em terra da provação
Todo dia é desafio, é sufoco
Correria e insegurança
Mundo estrangeiro
E nesse exato momentp, mais do que nunca estranho
Mas foi minha escolha, e é.
Virou
Agora tomo conta de mim
Construo futuro com suor e lágrima
Choro de saudade
Mas gargalho com a perspectiva de futuro em andamento
Hoje foi um dia difícil
e aqui tô eu
Fragilizada com a minha solidão
E com a batalha diária para provar à que vim
Dia em que quase esqueço
Que na maioria dos outros eu sempre encontro jeito de cantarolar
Dia nublado, assombrado
Quando fico triste assim me convenço de que vale a pena
Reforço cada conquista em minha cabecinha de beija-flor
E prometo para mim que vai ficar tudo bem.
Vai, não vai?
Monday, April 09, 2007
Small Talk
God, I hate small talk with all my heart. All the "hi-how-are-you-fine-thank-you"...Just to think about all the breath wasted on these senseless petty conversations, I'm speechless.
We all know how the weather has been crazy and Bush is unanimously hated; We all think that the elevator is taking too long, and the gas prices have been up in the sky. Still, is it really that awkward to be in silence with your own thoughts when around people that you don't relate to? Is it polite or actually hypocrite to start small talk just because you can't deal with your own emptiness?
I hate all the meaninglessly "good-mornings", "talk-to-you-later", "good-to-see-you" flushed out of dry mouths. I hate when tricked by distraction I catch myself mimicking some kind of that same shallow convention. Human and it's social codes.
I understand that since we're sharing the same planet, we should try our best to interact as amicably as possible. Personally though, I do not see myself as affected by a "good morning, Mam. Thanks for choosing Ralph's" as much as I am affected by the security guy outside that just gives me a good old genuine smile and a head nod. Actions speak more than a thousand words.
If you don't care about the answer, don't ask. If you don't mean it, don't say it.
Nothing worst than running into someone that you haven't seen in a while and you don't really have anything to share but random remarks.
" - Wow, I haven't seen you in so long.
- God, is it you? You look amazing.
- Oh, come on. You look great yourself.
- Thank you, isn't it crazy how the time goes by?
- Don't even go there.
- How have you been?
- Great, and you?
- Fine, everything really good, thanks.
- How is the family?
- Doing very well. Yours?
- Everything fantastic, thank you.
- What have you been up to?
- Not much, same old.
- Me too, still same thing since last time we've seen each other.
- Still leaving at the same place?
- Yes, you?
- No, I moved. It's a long story...
- We need to catch up sometime.
- Totally, lets keep in touch.
- Ok, lets do it.
- Well, good to see you.
- Pleasure seeing you, send my love to your family.
- Will do, and please do the same.
- Hope to see you again soon, girl.
- Me too. Bye now, have a good evening.
- You too, be well."
Come oooooooooooon, you're killing me.
Since you're not really into saying anything and you know the lack of interest is reciprocate, why not just nodding, maybe waving from far and moving on with your life without such a fake display of care. The sad part is that this is actually the kind of conversations we most have on daily basis. How many work calls and random people you have to formally encounter and bullshit for at least a bit to be polite(?) every day?
I hate formality.
Today I was reading this NY Times article about laughter. It claims that it has barely ever anything to do with an intellectual response to something, but a way to display a friendly approval:
"It’s an instinctual survival tool for social animals, not an intellectual response to wit...The brain has ancient wiring to produce laughter so that young animals learn to play with one another. The laughter stimulates euphoria circuits in the brain and also reassures the other animals that they’re playing, not fighting...Primal laughter evolved as a signaling device to highlight readiness for friendly interaction,”
So It's an animal social code with the desperate goal of fitting into a exclusive society. It's a ritual to show acceptance and to be accepted. The lower your status in the hierarchy the more you have to laugh your way up to the top. Pretty much, laugh at the boss's stupid joke and you'll have a better chance of being promoted.
You know, that shot of reality got me really depressed. So all the times I had the best laughter in the world it was mostly because during my early ages I was taught that laughter would buy my way into this world, and not because i was genuinely entertained? I refuse to think that I laugh to, somehow, manipulate the way people see me, instead of being a consequence of something funny.
Fuck it! I now make a vow to only laugh if it unexpectedly pops out of my mouth; To only ask "how-are-you" when I really care about the answer; to only comment on the weather when there is really something to say about it.
Enough FDA (Fake Displays of Affection) for ones life.
Oops, sorry, my boss just came in, had to slip a fake laugh so he wouldn't read into my anger
We all know how the weather has been crazy and Bush is unanimously hated; We all think that the elevator is taking too long, and the gas prices have been up in the sky. Still, is it really that awkward to be in silence with your own thoughts when around people that you don't relate to? Is it polite or actually hypocrite to start small talk just because you can't deal with your own emptiness?
I hate all the meaninglessly "good-mornings", "talk-to-you-later", "good-to-see-you" flushed out of dry mouths. I hate when tricked by distraction I catch myself mimicking some kind of that same shallow convention. Human and it's social codes.
I understand that since we're sharing the same planet, we should try our best to interact as amicably as possible. Personally though, I do not see myself as affected by a "good morning, Mam. Thanks for choosing Ralph's" as much as I am affected by the security guy outside that just gives me a good old genuine smile and a head nod. Actions speak more than a thousand words.
If you don't care about the answer, don't ask. If you don't mean it, don't say it.
Nothing worst than running into someone that you haven't seen in a while and you don't really have anything to share but random remarks.
" - Wow, I haven't seen you in so long.
- God, is it you? You look amazing.
- Oh, come on. You look great yourself.
- Thank you, isn't it crazy how the time goes by?
- Don't even go there.
- How have you been?
- Great, and you?
- Fine, everything really good, thanks.
- How is the family?
- Doing very well. Yours?
- Everything fantastic, thank you.
- What have you been up to?
- Not much, same old.
- Me too, still same thing since last time we've seen each other.
- Still leaving at the same place?
- Yes, you?
- No, I moved. It's a long story...
- We need to catch up sometime.
- Totally, lets keep in touch.
- Ok, lets do it.
- Well, good to see you.
- Pleasure seeing you, send my love to your family.
- Will do, and please do the same.
- Hope to see you again soon, girl.
- Me too. Bye now, have a good evening.
- You too, be well."
Come oooooooooooon, you're killing me.
Since you're not really into saying anything and you know the lack of interest is reciprocate, why not just nodding, maybe waving from far and moving on with your life without such a fake display of care. The sad part is that this is actually the kind of conversations we most have on daily basis. How many work calls and random people you have to formally encounter and bullshit for at least a bit to be polite(?) every day?
I hate formality.
Today I was reading this NY Times article about laughter. It claims that it has barely ever anything to do with an intellectual response to something, but a way to display a friendly approval:
"It’s an instinctual survival tool for social animals, not an intellectual response to wit...The brain has ancient wiring to produce laughter so that young animals learn to play with one another. The laughter stimulates euphoria circuits in the brain and also reassures the other animals that they’re playing, not fighting...Primal laughter evolved as a signaling device to highlight readiness for friendly interaction,”
So It's an animal social code with the desperate goal of fitting into a exclusive society. It's a ritual to show acceptance and to be accepted. The lower your status in the hierarchy the more you have to laugh your way up to the top. Pretty much, laugh at the boss's stupid joke and you'll have a better chance of being promoted.
You know, that shot of reality got me really depressed. So all the times I had the best laughter in the world it was mostly because during my early ages I was taught that laughter would buy my way into this world, and not because i was genuinely entertained? I refuse to think that I laugh to, somehow, manipulate the way people see me, instead of being a consequence of something funny.
Fuck it! I now make a vow to only laugh if it unexpectedly pops out of my mouth; To only ask "how-are-you" when I really care about the answer; to only comment on the weather when there is really something to say about it.
Enough FDA (Fake Displays of Affection) for ones life.
Oops, sorry, my boss just came in, had to slip a fake laugh so he wouldn't read into my anger
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Set Stuff (work in progress - far from done)
She looked at the map completely confused. New town, new job, foreign language…Man, she was lost. In a mix of fear and excitement she fed thoughts of insecurity and rejection. It was just so new and so far from the last couple of years of random jobs and random people in her new instable life abroad.
The call sheet, time card, however they called that paper in her hands was full of unheard names and titles completely alien to her eyes.
She was curious. She wanted to see the circus working.
She wondered how to dress appropriately for her position, her jeans all seemed too fitting; would a tank top be ok?; Pockets probably would be useful; is the snicker sole thick enough?.
There were just so many questions and with them the fear of no one willing to answer them.
It took her four months going through Craigslist positions and fake resumes, sending over 20 e-mails a day trying to get a intern position on a set and zero responses. Eventually, she finally met some no one that trying to impress her mentioned the PA position. She took it seriously.
Four days later there it was the map and callsheet for the next day shooting. 5am call on New York Street at the Paramount Studios. It all just sounded so glamorous, imagine, her first shoot was already on a historic studio. The place where many of the movies she watched as a youngster with Portuguese subtitles and “hollywooden” images it was now suddenly part of her first day at the office. She felt privileged.
She didn’t sleep her best that night. She kept waking up every forty minutes thinking it was already time to shower. When time had finally come, she jumped out of bed and run into the water enjoying the little yellow and blue butterflies flying in her stomach, she liked it.
Even though she had studied the map the night before it mysteriously looked more complicated at 4:30 in the morning. It was still so dark and all she could think was how cool it would be to be pulled over and be able to say that she was actually going to work even though it was the wee hours. She felt strong and secure and immediately nervous and fearful after… And that’s when she got lost.
It seemed so easy, but somehow she managed to screw it up with a simple wrong left turn. All the streets looked completely new, she had never been in that part of town before. Her heart almost popped out of her mouth on a hiccup, she couldn’t believe she was lost and imminently late for her first day. She felt her stomach groaning, how the fuck could she be hungry at that time in the morning. Yeah, she was definitely lost. She couldn’t drive any longer into nowhere, she had to stop and take a look at her borrowed old ass Thomas Guide. Coffee suddenly sounded great, well, too much to even think about looking for a Starbucks on top of everything. Fuck it, she suddenly stopped in a random corner without blinking her right light. It was already 4:45. Fuck, fuck, fuck, she had to find it. She shuffled the map looking for the right part of the town. She couldn’t be late for her first day, that would really be a big fuck up. He told her he was giving her this chance but she couldn’t disappoint him, he said it twice. I mean, especially her, all her watches were 27 minutes ahead, she was always so particular about being punctual. I know, she was just “unique” like that, so to speak. Thomas Guide under the car center light really wasn’t that helpful. She thought she figured out, she got back in the road. The closer to the location the more her hiccups would gag into each other. She was panicking a little and there they were the yellow signs. Her friend told her about them. When closer to location they would start guiding the lost early birds, or the lazy ones. There they were flashing food/work/fear/strangers/challenge AAAAAAhhhhhhh.
The security guard directed her to a specific parking spot. She turned of the engine, looked around, saw a line already forming by a catering truck. There was a long path of normal-sized and humongous trucks by the sidewalk being downloaded by mostly man. It was too early for faces. She simply had no idea where to go. She took a deep sigh and stepped out of the car. There she was, at fake New York Street, with all the mail boxes, fire extinguishers and trash cans Props just like the real ones. For the first time she could see that most of the “Soho” buildings were shallow. She started walking up the street through Upper East Side and It’s posh three stories building, so charming. She was stunned and stoked. Deal with it or deal with it. She walked to a truck and asked where to find Steve. He walked behind her and gave her a hug. She shrugged. She pulled him aside.
- You got to tell me, someone will explain me what to do, right? I mean, I really have no idea where to go.
- Calm down, you’ll be ok. There is no mystery and no special skills but being aware of what’s been said on the Walkie at all times and make yourself as much available as you can. Watch and learn, girl. Good luck, haha.
- No, hold on, that’s it? Ok, my Walkie he said, my Walkie…Where the fuck do I get a walkie?
He turns around and points the Production Cube from far. She walks to the four guys standing by a desk in front of the truck. They are labeling radios. She sees someone coming and asking for a Radio. She waits and walks in. She introduces herself, they asked her name twice. They laugh and make a joke that she is too nervous to understand. She gives them a yellow smile and asks for a Radio - foreign object one more time. They hand her one with her name spelled completely wrong. Which button is what? Channels, headsets, radio terms??? Ok, she was going to be ok.
She walked to the catering truck line and stood quiet listening to two rough looking guys complaining. She wondered how old all that routine felt to them.
Breakfast was amazing. She couldn’t get over the fact that she could order whatever she wanted, I mean, from pancakes, to sandwiches, burritos, eggs any style you could put together, all for free, I mean, and no one told her anything about that.
The day was looking good. She sat on a table where four other guys were sitting.
- Is anyone sitting here?
- You – they all say simultaneously
- Thanks.
- What do you do here, honey.
She swallow the “honey” a little dry. Ok, she’s getting how it works.
- I’m a PA.
- I bet you are.
Someone says something on the Radio, she uses it as a “Q” to run away from that table. She finishes her egg-whites omelet standing up behind the production truck. Everyone is running around. The overly ripe bald guy, with a beer gut and a face of yesterday was Hank the key PA, she overheard. He’s downloading stuff from the truck, she asks to help and he just starts handing her stuff without even looking at her. She felt she wasn’t that welcome. A lot of chairs, tables, fans, boards, small generators and trash cans sit outside the truck by the driveway. It takes them about 25 minutes.
- So where do we take this stuff to?
- Is it you first day Sheka?
- Well, my name is Chica, and yes, it is my first day.
- Oh great...
She stands quiet.
- It’s gonna be a long day.
- I’m a fast learner.
- They all say that.
She gets quietly embarrassed, she doesn’t want to be a burden, but I mean, everyone starts somewhere, right? She started getting really nervous and insecure. Someone touched her arm.
- Hi there, I’m Patrick.
- Hey, I’m Chica. Sorry for being unexperienced. - He pulls her aside.
- Oh no, sorry about Hank. With time you’ll be able to tell right away the grumpy burnt out PAs, he’s been doing this for way too long.
- Why he haven’t moved up.
- Exaaactly! It’s a long story, you’ll see. So, I overheard it’s your first day. I can help you if you’d like.
- Are you serious? Oh God! Pleeease, I mean, you can totally tell me to shut up if I ask too many questions. Thank you so much Patrick.
- No worries.
- Where do we start?
- Well, first thing we do in the morning is talk to the 1st AD about where does he want to set up Village, Crafty and director’s monitor.
- 1st AD?
- Yeah, Assistant of the Director, he overlooks the whole set and it's pretty much the one we most respond to.
- K. – She had no idea what a 1st AD job breaks down to, but anyway.
She follows him around. He stops by this “buttoned shirt” tall guy that smells authority.
- Hey Scott, good to see you man.
- Patrick my friend, I’m glad you’re here. I know whom to go to if I need anything. At least one solid PA on set.
- Yes, you do, my man. Yes, you do. So, what’s scoop? Where is the first shot?
- We’ll be doing a tight on the hero-guy over the hero-girl shoulder. Camera will be by the north-east corner of the intersection on the tecno-crane.
"Ok, hero-guy, hero-girl…tight over the shoulder, tecno-crane, I’ll get it, it’s ok."
- So camera will be looking this way. Director’s monitor will be right here and village by the flower shop. We got to make sure we put them as far as possible from Enda. He hates agency people. I don’t want either village either monitor to get too comfortable, so keep it minimal because we’re moving around the whole day.
Wow, he was definitely speaking German. Scott says yes to something on the Radio that she didn’t have focus enough to hear. Nothing made sense to her, she felt really dumb.
- And you are…?
- Hi, sorry about that, I’m Chica. It’s my first day, but I’ll try my best to be here for you.
- Uh, a fresh rookie hun, fun! Welcome to the circus. I’ll be nice to you. Don’t worry.
- Thank you, Scott. – She felt shy like never before.
Patrick starts walking. She follows him.
- We need 4 talls, 4 shorts director’s chairs for village and three talls for directors monitor. Oh, by the way, Village is where the Ad Agency and the client sit and watch the footage that is being shot through a VTR monitor. Director’s monitor always has the director plus script supervisor and sometimes producer sitting by it. With that we should also stage by it, trashcans, butt-cans, and sometimes a table for agency if we decide to be nice. Since they’ll be outside, we should also put a pop-up for the bastards, before they request one.
“The bastards” were obviously Agency and client. She had a hard time seeing them that way since her Major was creative direction. If she was in Brazil, she would be sitting by village now, but she wasn’t.
They hurried to the truck, got part of the stuff they need and headed back to set.
They would need a couple of trips back and forth
- Morning and wrapping are the tough times. – He said unwrapping chairs - That’s when you really need to bust your ass to get things done, it gets a lot easier once everything is set up
- How many PAs do we have today?
- Don’t know, probably 6 or 7, but you’ll soon learn that for every 5 PAs’ crew maybe 3 will be really working.
- Oh, that’s exciting.
- Isn’t it? Well, that’s the thing about PAing, you decide how hard of a worker you want to be. I mean, just like any job right, you choose how you portrait yourself.
- Wise words, my friend. You don’t understand how glad I am that you’re here.
- Don’t get too excited. I may slack through out the day. You just got me on a good mood. Besides, come on, you’re not only cute but also Brazilian, I’ll be dumb not to ally to you.
- Oh, ok. Thanks anyway – That sounded sleazy, She knew that’d be a trade, good luck my friend. Anyhow, She had to make the best of it.
They set up the chairs. She watches his motions and mimics everything he does. He is quick and the equipment is heavy. She doesn’t want to seem fragile. She carries as much stuff as he does.
The sun is finally starting to come out. Faces are now more seenable. Jesus, there is a lot of people for one simple commercial. New York Street looks even more glamorous with the sun shining on the windows and all the equipment that is now set on the street. She took a second to stare at that new world. She felt important. She wanted to call family and friends and scream her excitement away.
- “Any available PA?” - Her Radio yelled.
She pressed every button – “I’m available, I’m available” –
- “Anyone copy me? Come on guys, I need an available PA on set” - Patrick showed the right button to hold.
- Hold it for a second and then start speaking as clearly as you can.
- K, thanks. – She pushes the button trembling- I’m available, where do you need me?
- Let me guess, is this Chica, isn’t it? – It had to be Scott.
- Yes, sir.
- Ok, girl, come see me on set.
- Say “10-4” – Patrick said smiling.
- “10-4” – she says on the radio proudly.
She runs to set shaking and stops aside Scott that is currently speaking with someone. He doesn’t seem to acknowledge her. He keeps his conversation going. She doesn’t know if she should show herself to him or simply wait. How urgent was the request. How should she approach this matter?
“Any available PAs” – Her radio is shouting again,. Hold on, so someone else can ask for PAs besides the 1st AD, ok, ok. But is she available or should she wait until she’s able to finally speak with Scott? She stresses for a second. He sees her desperation.
- Go ahead, you can answer that. All I need is a putt-putt for Crafty. You can get it after you answer this on going request.
- Ok – Putt-putt, great! Whatever that means - she presses the radio button - "Chica is available, where do you need me?”
- “Come see me at Production”
“See me” who? Do these people ever use names? And “see me at production…”, so should I know where is production. She Runs to the production truck still thinking about the freaking putt-putt. "I can’t forget it, I can’t forget it."
- Anyone called for a PA in Production?
- Yeah – Hank says – at PRODUCTION though.
- Yeah, so here I am.
- Production means PRO-DUC-TION, where the PM and coordinator stay.
She looks at him blankly.
- Oh, wow! Jesus Christ, Fucking rookies, man!
She starts to blush.
- See that MoHo there, that big fucking brown trailer. – He points at an RV – That’s also known as production Motor Home, sweetheart. Aka MOHO! Get it?
- Oh, ok, thank you very much.
She runs away fuming, wanting to punch his face, She hasn’t felt that dumb in a long long time. She has no time to over-react.
She knocks on the MoHo door before walking in. She overhears “Who the hell is knocking? That’s hilarious!”. She walks in head down. There are about six people inside that seemed like they stopped their actions to stare at her. She mumbles:
- Did anyone ask for an available PA?
- I’m sorry, Honey, speak out please. – A well dressed girl says.
- Come on, Andrea. Be nice. What do you need, Chica? – Steve says.
- Someone asked for an available PA on the Radio a little bit ago.
- Not me. – Andrea, the bitch sitting by the counter with a computer staring at her says.
- Me either – Steve smiles
She looks lost. Who the hell asked for a PA here?
- Chica, it’s always good to know whom you’re speaking with on the Radio, you know. It’s ok to ask.
- Yeah, I guess I’m learning the hard way. – She said shamefully.
- Go back to whatever you were doing prior. Don’t worry.
Oh, really? Ok, I guess following up is not a big deal, off to the putt-putt. She jumps out of the MoHo thinking about the putt-putt. Where the hell is Patrick???
- “Where the hell is the PA that was meeting me at production?” - Her Radio shouts.
- I’m running back to the MoHo, sir. Whom am I speaking with, please?
- “This is Ethan, 2nd AD. No need to meet me just go to two, please.”
“Go to two????” Holy crap, what does that mean???
- “Hello, anyone there? Can you go to two, please?” – The Radio is going off.
- No problem Ethan, but how do I do that? – She says scared as hell of the answer.
- “Excuse me? What do you mean how do you go to two? Who is that?”
- “Hey Ethan. Patrick here, sorry about that, we have a rookie PA on set today. What do you need?”
Someone makes sure a loud laughter is well heard through the Radio. Mother fucker! Great! Now EVERYONE knows I’m fucking it up. She knew Patrick would come to save the day, but she was just embarrassed and overwhelmed with her performance. She missed whatever Ethan said he needed. She was pretty sure Patrick would handle it without her “great’ help at that point. She sighed.
Oh, no. She had to figure out the “putt-putt to crafty” situation. How exciting to deal with Hank again… She runs to the truck when someone yells:
- Pace yourself, crazy girl.
“Pace myself? What is this random whoever talking about? "I wish you were on my skin, jackass.” She sees Hank sitting on the truck gate calmly smoking a cigarette. She wonders why he isn’t as busy as she is.
- Oh, great. Here she comes. What do you need now?
- A putt-putt for crafty – She shyly says expecting him to come with the solution.
He stands up apparently bothered that she interrupted his quiet cigarette. He goes to the back of the truck and gets a red piece of equipment that looks like a small generator. She is intimidated by the old man, well, he was probably aroound forty but he certainly acted like an bitter old man.
- And yes, this is a putt-putt. – He hands it to her with no more words.
Ok, ok, now all I got to do is find out what is crafty. She runs around looking for Patrick, the putt-putt is kind of heavy and she looks around seeking some kind of “Q”.
- Is this genny for crafty? – Someone says.
- Yes, yes it is. – She smiles relieved
- Oh, you can drop it right here. I was wondering if you guys forgot it. What’s your name?
- I’m Chica, sorry for taking so lo…
- Girl, don’t even worry about it. It’s here now, isn’t it? I’m Karl by the way. Nice to meet you, darling. – He started going through a bunch of boxes obviously too busy for any more chatting.
Ok. What’s next now? She started heading back to set with the hope of finding Patrick. She needed a breather.
- Hey, are you a PA? – A dark haired chubby man pulled her away.
- Yes, sir.
- I’m Ethan, 2nd AD. What’s your name?
- Nice meeting you, I’m Chica.
- Oh, you are the rookie.
- Yes, sir.
- Don’t be so uptight, Sheka. You can call me Ethan.
- Ok.
- Hey, can you get breakfast orders from my talent, please?
- Sure, Ethan.
- Do you know how to do it?
- Not really, but I’ll figure out. – She starts walking away to “figure out”.
- Hold on, hold on. It’s ok. Breath, I’ll explain to you.
- Oh, thank you. That’s very kin…
- Anyway, go to that yellow MoHo there. That’s where Talent will be staying today. Just go around and ask what would they like for breakfast, make sure you write it down who order what, ok?
- Ok, ok. - She starts walking away thinking about the pen and piece of paper that she doesn’t have. Where can I get that? Is it ok to ask for it at production?
- Oh, and hey Sheka, - Ethan shouts - don’t fuck it up.
"Thanks, that really doesn’t adds up any pressure to everything that I already have on my mind." She runs to production and enters the MoHo without knocking this time. She goes to Steve and asks as quietly as she can.
- Is it ok to ask you for a pen and a piece of paper?
- No problem. starts digging through a huge plastic box with drawers and divisions full of supplies – This is my kit, you can get anything you need here.
She smiles gratitude at him.
- But, for future reference, there are a couple of things that you should always carry with you as a PA.
- Oh, ok.
- You should always have a pen, a sharpie, a call-sheet – so you can identify whom you’ve just spoke with – also, gloves always help when you are carrying heavy equipment. Now, if you want to be a pro, then you should have a head set and a knife for lay-out boards.
She was paying as much attention as possible to try to sync every piece of equipment he referred to into the English words she knew. For now, all she could think was about the breakfast order and the much needed pen and paper, already on her hands.
- Oh, ok. Wow. It’s a lot of stuff, hun? I’ll do my best to have it by tomorrow, so I’d come a little more prepared.
- No, you don’t need it for tomorrow at all. There are PAs that never even get to buy that stuff. You don’t have to have it, it’s just helpful.
- Thank you so much, Steve. There is so much to learn. I got to run for this one task, but I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.
- No need to get back to me, go learn the Set.
She runs to the yellow MoHo, and spotted Hank and two guys laughing while looking at her. "I’m the biggest joke in this fucking set, great! I just don’t know why I’m the only one running here, come on."
She stops by the yellow MoHo, glances at the closed door and walks in without knocking.
- Wow, wow, wow. Are you fucking crazy? There is Talent changing here, sweetie. Didn’t your mom teach you to knock before entering a closed door?
- Well, she did. I mean, I’m sorry, it’s because the last time I knoc…
- What do you need here, Honey? – A very trendy girl, with styled hair a lot a make up and a touch of attitude asked.
- I’m here for breakfast orders for talent.
- Oh, great. So, you’re welcome then.
- Thanks – "Bitches."
- So get your pen going ‘cause is just easier for us all to order through you.
- Ok.
She had no idea what she was in for. Fifteen breakfast orders later, she started sweating. She wondered how she was going to not fuck this up. She walked to the caterer and waited on the long line trying not to see and be seen. When her turn came she started blasting out the orders and the Chef kept staring at her without a response.
- Are you new?
- Yes, sir.
- How are you, darling? My name is Charlie.
- Hi Charlie, I’m Chica. Sorry about this crazy order, I just don’t know a better way to do it.
- Ok, Chica – Wow, he said my name right – I’ll do something for you but don’t tell no one ok, come around and get in here.
She walks to the side of the truck and realizes the fully equipped kitchen they have working as busy as any restaurant. She goes up the two steps and stands by the door.
- I see you got a list with you. Why don’t you give me the list and I’ll take care of it for you.
- Seriously?
- Well, we usually can’t do it like this, but I see it’s your first day, almost everyone already ate and you certainly look a little overwhelmed.
- Can you tell?
- Yes I can, little Chica.
- Charlie, I don’t know how to thank you. Should I just wait here?
- You know, it’ll take me about ten minutes to get this all ready. Why don’t you go to set and keep checking with me when you can?
- That sounds great, I really don’t know how to thank you enough.
- Don’t worry about it. I’ve been on your spot before.
- Have you? Really?
- It’s a long story. I’ll tell you another time, right?
- Yeah, yeah. Please don’t let me distract you.
Charlie walks right back into business like she was never there. She’s still wants to thank him more, but she has no other option but moving on.
She runs back to Ethan and tells him that the orders are being taken care of. He thanks her for following up, but warns her she could use the Radio next time instead of looking for him. "God, I’m dumb." He walks away answering the Radio. "I should be paying more attention to this Walkie."
She wonders what to do next. She sees Patrick standing by Scott and walks to him.
- What’s going on?
- Just waiting to see if we’ll need Lock Ups.
- Lock Ups…
- We always need to lock up spots that crew or boogies may walk through when we're shooting. We need to check the frame in the monitor and see what’s going on. When we start rolling camera we need to yell “Roooolling”, and ask people to wait until we cut to cross frame. Then we yell “Cuuuut” when we hear the 1st AD saying it.
- Got you.
He shows her the frame on the Village’s monitor. He points the spots that Scott will probably request Lock Ups. Everything goes through the 1st AD’s approval.
More and more it looks like things are taking their places on Set. A group of guys carry heavy frames through the Set and stage one of them right above Camera. They all seem to be in a different Radio channel.
- Who are those guys?
- Ok, crash course on the departments: Those guys are the Grips, they arrange all the heavy frames, and all the equipment that has to do with lighting, but the light itself. All the power, light bulbs, cables, any electricity involved in general is the Electric crew’s responsibility.
- Oh, ok. They have their own channel.
- Every department is in a different channel; otherwise it would be a cluster fuck.
Then there’s the Camera department, the DP shoots, the first AC does the camera focus, the 2nd AC takes care of the mags and the loader preps and wraps the film itself; The art department dresses the whole Set; and Props are the ones responsible for any object or food that Talent touches.
- It’s so funny this thing about calling “Talent this, Talent that”, instead of actors.
- Then there is VTR, which takes care of playbacks and transmission of image to Village and Director. Sound doesn’t need introductions. At last the usual Vanities. The divas. Make up, wardrobe and hair. Good luck with those ones. But, I got to highlight, that’s where the hot girls live, so I’m always helping them out, you know.
She was too busy trying to download everything into her brain to be able to pay attention on chick comments. It was a fucking lot to learn. "I’m never going to get it. These people are my heroes, how do they know so much, for Christ sake? Oh, no, breakfast. I got to check on the breakfast order."
...
- Hey, Kiddo. Let me tell you something. You’re doing great, we all see you trying really hard. Don’t let these fuckers be contagious. Just watch. Pay close attention, try to soak as much as you can, and keep working hard. You have potential, I can tell.
She felt like crying. He had no idea how much she needed something like that.
- Hey, hey. I’m watching you. Swallow these tears. You got to be Latin, just like my wife and her emotional “condition”.
- Yeah, I’m Latin, and emotional. It’s just being a little too much information, you know.
- Do you think anyone in the world could learn it in a day? You are doing amazing. Just remember there are great PAs out there, but most of them are bums, don’t become one of those.
(TO BE CONTINUED...)
The call sheet, time card, however they called that paper in her hands was full of unheard names and titles completely alien to her eyes.
She was curious. She wanted to see the circus working.
She wondered how to dress appropriately for her position, her jeans all seemed too fitting; would a tank top be ok?; Pockets probably would be useful; is the snicker sole thick enough?.
There were just so many questions and with them the fear of no one willing to answer them.
It took her four months going through Craigslist positions and fake resumes, sending over 20 e-mails a day trying to get a intern position on a set and zero responses. Eventually, she finally met some no one that trying to impress her mentioned the PA position. She took it seriously.
Four days later there it was the map and callsheet for the next day shooting. 5am call on New York Street at the Paramount Studios. It all just sounded so glamorous, imagine, her first shoot was already on a historic studio. The place where many of the movies she watched as a youngster with Portuguese subtitles and “hollywooden” images it was now suddenly part of her first day at the office. She felt privileged.
She didn’t sleep her best that night. She kept waking up every forty minutes thinking it was already time to shower. When time had finally come, she jumped out of bed and run into the water enjoying the little yellow and blue butterflies flying in her stomach, she liked it.
Even though she had studied the map the night before it mysteriously looked more complicated at 4:30 in the morning. It was still so dark and all she could think was how cool it would be to be pulled over and be able to say that she was actually going to work even though it was the wee hours. She felt strong and secure and immediately nervous and fearful after… And that’s when she got lost.
It seemed so easy, but somehow she managed to screw it up with a simple wrong left turn. All the streets looked completely new, she had never been in that part of town before. Her heart almost popped out of her mouth on a hiccup, she couldn’t believe she was lost and imminently late for her first day. She felt her stomach groaning, how the fuck could she be hungry at that time in the morning. Yeah, she was definitely lost. She couldn’t drive any longer into nowhere, she had to stop and take a look at her borrowed old ass Thomas Guide. Coffee suddenly sounded great, well, too much to even think about looking for a Starbucks on top of everything. Fuck it, she suddenly stopped in a random corner without blinking her right light. It was already 4:45. Fuck, fuck, fuck, she had to find it. She shuffled the map looking for the right part of the town. She couldn’t be late for her first day, that would really be a big fuck up. He told her he was giving her this chance but she couldn’t disappoint him, he said it twice. I mean, especially her, all her watches were 27 minutes ahead, she was always so particular about being punctual. I know, she was just “unique” like that, so to speak. Thomas Guide under the car center light really wasn’t that helpful. She thought she figured out, she got back in the road. The closer to the location the more her hiccups would gag into each other. She was panicking a little and there they were the yellow signs. Her friend told her about them. When closer to location they would start guiding the lost early birds, or the lazy ones. There they were flashing food/work/fear/strangers/challenge AAAAAAhhhhhhh.
The security guard directed her to a specific parking spot. She turned of the engine, looked around, saw a line already forming by a catering truck. There was a long path of normal-sized and humongous trucks by the sidewalk being downloaded by mostly man. It was too early for faces. She simply had no idea where to go. She took a deep sigh and stepped out of the car. There she was, at fake New York Street, with all the mail boxes, fire extinguishers and trash cans Props just like the real ones. For the first time she could see that most of the “Soho” buildings were shallow. She started walking up the street through Upper East Side and It’s posh three stories building, so charming. She was stunned and stoked. Deal with it or deal with it. She walked to a truck and asked where to find Steve. He walked behind her and gave her a hug. She shrugged. She pulled him aside.
- You got to tell me, someone will explain me what to do, right? I mean, I really have no idea where to go.
- Calm down, you’ll be ok. There is no mystery and no special skills but being aware of what’s been said on the Walkie at all times and make yourself as much available as you can. Watch and learn, girl. Good luck, haha.
- No, hold on, that’s it? Ok, my Walkie he said, my Walkie…Where the fuck do I get a walkie?
He turns around and points the Production Cube from far. She walks to the four guys standing by a desk in front of the truck. They are labeling radios. She sees someone coming and asking for a Radio. She waits and walks in. She introduces herself, they asked her name twice. They laugh and make a joke that she is too nervous to understand. She gives them a yellow smile and asks for a Radio - foreign object one more time. They hand her one with her name spelled completely wrong. Which button is what? Channels, headsets, radio terms??? Ok, she was going to be ok.
She walked to the catering truck line and stood quiet listening to two rough looking guys complaining. She wondered how old all that routine felt to them.
Breakfast was amazing. She couldn’t get over the fact that she could order whatever she wanted, I mean, from pancakes, to sandwiches, burritos, eggs any style you could put together, all for free, I mean, and no one told her anything about that.
The day was looking good. She sat on a table where four other guys were sitting.
- Is anyone sitting here?
- You – they all say simultaneously
- Thanks.
- What do you do here, honey.
She swallow the “honey” a little dry. Ok, she’s getting how it works.
- I’m a PA.
- I bet you are.
Someone says something on the Radio, she uses it as a “Q” to run away from that table. She finishes her egg-whites omelet standing up behind the production truck. Everyone is running around. The overly ripe bald guy, with a beer gut and a face of yesterday was Hank the key PA, she overheard. He’s downloading stuff from the truck, she asks to help and he just starts handing her stuff without even looking at her. She felt she wasn’t that welcome. A lot of chairs, tables, fans, boards, small generators and trash cans sit outside the truck by the driveway. It takes them about 25 minutes.
- So where do we take this stuff to?
- Is it you first day Sheka?
- Well, my name is Chica, and yes, it is my first day.
- Oh great...
She stands quiet.
- It’s gonna be a long day.
- I’m a fast learner.
- They all say that.
She gets quietly embarrassed, she doesn’t want to be a burden, but I mean, everyone starts somewhere, right? She started getting really nervous and insecure. Someone touched her arm.
- Hi there, I’m Patrick.
- Hey, I’m Chica. Sorry for being unexperienced. - He pulls her aside.
- Oh no, sorry about Hank. With time you’ll be able to tell right away the grumpy burnt out PAs, he’s been doing this for way too long.
- Why he haven’t moved up.
- Exaaactly! It’s a long story, you’ll see. So, I overheard it’s your first day. I can help you if you’d like.
- Are you serious? Oh God! Pleeease, I mean, you can totally tell me to shut up if I ask too many questions. Thank you so much Patrick.
- No worries.
- Where do we start?
- Well, first thing we do in the morning is talk to the 1st AD about where does he want to set up Village, Crafty and director’s monitor.
- 1st AD?
- Yeah, Assistant of the Director, he overlooks the whole set and it's pretty much the one we most respond to.
- K. – She had no idea what a 1st AD job breaks down to, but anyway.
She follows him around. He stops by this “buttoned shirt” tall guy that smells authority.
- Hey Scott, good to see you man.
- Patrick my friend, I’m glad you’re here. I know whom to go to if I need anything. At least one solid PA on set.
- Yes, you do, my man. Yes, you do. So, what’s scoop? Where is the first shot?
- We’ll be doing a tight on the hero-guy over the hero-girl shoulder. Camera will be by the north-east corner of the intersection on the tecno-crane.
"Ok, hero-guy, hero-girl…tight over the shoulder, tecno-crane, I’ll get it, it’s ok."
- So camera will be looking this way. Director’s monitor will be right here and village by the flower shop. We got to make sure we put them as far as possible from Enda. He hates agency people. I don’t want either village either monitor to get too comfortable, so keep it minimal because we’re moving around the whole day.
Wow, he was definitely speaking German. Scott says yes to something on the Radio that she didn’t have focus enough to hear. Nothing made sense to her, she felt really dumb.
- And you are…?
- Hi, sorry about that, I’m Chica. It’s my first day, but I’ll try my best to be here for you.
- Uh, a fresh rookie hun, fun! Welcome to the circus. I’ll be nice to you. Don’t worry.
- Thank you, Scott. – She felt shy like never before.
Patrick starts walking. She follows him.
- We need 4 talls, 4 shorts director’s chairs for village and three talls for directors monitor. Oh, by the way, Village is where the Ad Agency and the client sit and watch the footage that is being shot through a VTR monitor. Director’s monitor always has the director plus script supervisor and sometimes producer sitting by it. With that we should also stage by it, trashcans, butt-cans, and sometimes a table for agency if we decide to be nice. Since they’ll be outside, we should also put a pop-up for the bastards, before they request one.
“The bastards” were obviously Agency and client. She had a hard time seeing them that way since her Major was creative direction. If she was in Brazil, she would be sitting by village now, but she wasn’t.
They hurried to the truck, got part of the stuff they need and headed back to set.
They would need a couple of trips back and forth
- Morning and wrapping are the tough times. – He said unwrapping chairs - That’s when you really need to bust your ass to get things done, it gets a lot easier once everything is set up
- How many PAs do we have today?
- Don’t know, probably 6 or 7, but you’ll soon learn that for every 5 PAs’ crew maybe 3 will be really working.
- Oh, that’s exciting.
- Isn’t it? Well, that’s the thing about PAing, you decide how hard of a worker you want to be. I mean, just like any job right, you choose how you portrait yourself.
- Wise words, my friend. You don’t understand how glad I am that you’re here.
- Don’t get too excited. I may slack through out the day. You just got me on a good mood. Besides, come on, you’re not only cute but also Brazilian, I’ll be dumb not to ally to you.
- Oh, ok. Thanks anyway – That sounded sleazy, She knew that’d be a trade, good luck my friend. Anyhow, She had to make the best of it.
They set up the chairs. She watches his motions and mimics everything he does. He is quick and the equipment is heavy. She doesn’t want to seem fragile. She carries as much stuff as he does.
The sun is finally starting to come out. Faces are now more seenable. Jesus, there is a lot of people for one simple commercial. New York Street looks even more glamorous with the sun shining on the windows and all the equipment that is now set on the street. She took a second to stare at that new world. She felt important. She wanted to call family and friends and scream her excitement away.
- “Any available PA?” - Her Radio yelled.
She pressed every button – “I’m available, I’m available” –
- “Anyone copy me? Come on guys, I need an available PA on set” - Patrick showed the right button to hold.
- Hold it for a second and then start speaking as clearly as you can.
- K, thanks. – She pushes the button trembling- I’m available, where do you need me?
- Let me guess, is this Chica, isn’t it? – It had to be Scott.
- Yes, sir.
- Ok, girl, come see me on set.
- Say “10-4” – Patrick said smiling.
- “10-4” – she says on the radio proudly.
She runs to set shaking and stops aside Scott that is currently speaking with someone. He doesn’t seem to acknowledge her. He keeps his conversation going. She doesn’t know if she should show herself to him or simply wait. How urgent was the request. How should she approach this matter?
“Any available PAs” – Her radio is shouting again,. Hold on, so someone else can ask for PAs besides the 1st AD, ok, ok. But is she available or should she wait until she’s able to finally speak with Scott? She stresses for a second. He sees her desperation.
- Go ahead, you can answer that. All I need is a putt-putt for Crafty. You can get it after you answer this on going request.
- Ok – Putt-putt, great! Whatever that means - she presses the radio button - "Chica is available, where do you need me?”
- “Come see me at Production”
“See me” who? Do these people ever use names? And “see me at production…”, so should I know where is production. She Runs to the production truck still thinking about the freaking putt-putt. "I can’t forget it, I can’t forget it."
- Anyone called for a PA in Production?
- Yeah – Hank says – at PRODUCTION though.
- Yeah, so here I am.
- Production means PRO-DUC-TION, where the PM and coordinator stay.
She looks at him blankly.
- Oh, wow! Jesus Christ, Fucking rookies, man!
She starts to blush.
- See that MoHo there, that big fucking brown trailer. – He points at an RV – That’s also known as production Motor Home, sweetheart. Aka MOHO! Get it?
- Oh, ok, thank you very much.
She runs away fuming, wanting to punch his face, She hasn’t felt that dumb in a long long time. She has no time to over-react.
She knocks on the MoHo door before walking in. She overhears “Who the hell is knocking? That’s hilarious!”. She walks in head down. There are about six people inside that seemed like they stopped their actions to stare at her. She mumbles:
- Did anyone ask for an available PA?
- I’m sorry, Honey, speak out please. – A well dressed girl says.
- Come on, Andrea. Be nice. What do you need, Chica? – Steve says.
- Someone asked for an available PA on the Radio a little bit ago.
- Not me. – Andrea, the bitch sitting by the counter with a computer staring at her says.
- Me either – Steve smiles
She looks lost. Who the hell asked for a PA here?
- Chica, it’s always good to know whom you’re speaking with on the Radio, you know. It’s ok to ask.
- Yeah, I guess I’m learning the hard way. – She said shamefully.
- Go back to whatever you were doing prior. Don’t worry.
Oh, really? Ok, I guess following up is not a big deal, off to the putt-putt. She jumps out of the MoHo thinking about the putt-putt. Where the hell is Patrick???
- “Where the hell is the PA that was meeting me at production?” - Her Radio shouts.
- I’m running back to the MoHo, sir. Whom am I speaking with, please?
- “This is Ethan, 2nd AD. No need to meet me just go to two, please.”
“Go to two????” Holy crap, what does that mean???
- “Hello, anyone there? Can you go to two, please?” – The Radio is going off.
- No problem Ethan, but how do I do that? – She says scared as hell of the answer.
- “Excuse me? What do you mean how do you go to two? Who is that?”
- “Hey Ethan. Patrick here, sorry about that, we have a rookie PA on set today. What do you need?”
Someone makes sure a loud laughter is well heard through the Radio. Mother fucker! Great! Now EVERYONE knows I’m fucking it up. She knew Patrick would come to save the day, but she was just embarrassed and overwhelmed with her performance. She missed whatever Ethan said he needed. She was pretty sure Patrick would handle it without her “great’ help at that point. She sighed.
Oh, no. She had to figure out the “putt-putt to crafty” situation. How exciting to deal with Hank again… She runs to the truck when someone yells:
- Pace yourself, crazy girl.
“Pace myself? What is this random whoever talking about? "I wish you were on my skin, jackass.” She sees Hank sitting on the truck gate calmly smoking a cigarette. She wonders why he isn’t as busy as she is.
- Oh, great. Here she comes. What do you need now?
- A putt-putt for crafty – She shyly says expecting him to come with the solution.
He stands up apparently bothered that she interrupted his quiet cigarette. He goes to the back of the truck and gets a red piece of equipment that looks like a small generator. She is intimidated by the old man, well, he was probably aroound forty but he certainly acted like an bitter old man.
- And yes, this is a putt-putt. – He hands it to her with no more words.
Ok, ok, now all I got to do is find out what is crafty. She runs around looking for Patrick, the putt-putt is kind of heavy and she looks around seeking some kind of “Q”.
- Is this genny for crafty? – Someone says.
- Yes, yes it is. – She smiles relieved
- Oh, you can drop it right here. I was wondering if you guys forgot it. What’s your name?
- I’m Chica, sorry for taking so lo…
- Girl, don’t even worry about it. It’s here now, isn’t it? I’m Karl by the way. Nice to meet you, darling. – He started going through a bunch of boxes obviously too busy for any more chatting.
Ok. What’s next now? She started heading back to set with the hope of finding Patrick. She needed a breather.
- Hey, are you a PA? – A dark haired chubby man pulled her away.
- Yes, sir.
- I’m Ethan, 2nd AD. What’s your name?
- Nice meeting you, I’m Chica.
- Oh, you are the rookie.
- Yes, sir.
- Don’t be so uptight, Sheka. You can call me Ethan.
- Ok.
- Hey, can you get breakfast orders from my talent, please?
- Sure, Ethan.
- Do you know how to do it?
- Not really, but I’ll figure out. – She starts walking away to “figure out”.
- Hold on, hold on. It’s ok. Breath, I’ll explain to you.
- Oh, thank you. That’s very kin…
- Anyway, go to that yellow MoHo there. That’s where Talent will be staying today. Just go around and ask what would they like for breakfast, make sure you write it down who order what, ok?
- Ok, ok. - She starts walking away thinking about the pen and piece of paper that she doesn’t have. Where can I get that? Is it ok to ask for it at production?
- Oh, and hey Sheka, - Ethan shouts - don’t fuck it up.
"Thanks, that really doesn’t adds up any pressure to everything that I already have on my mind." She runs to production and enters the MoHo without knocking this time. She goes to Steve and asks as quietly as she can.
- Is it ok to ask you for a pen and a piece of paper?
- No problem. starts digging through a huge plastic box with drawers and divisions full of supplies – This is my kit, you can get anything you need here.
She smiles gratitude at him.
- But, for future reference, there are a couple of things that you should always carry with you as a PA.
- Oh, ok.
- You should always have a pen, a sharpie, a call-sheet – so you can identify whom you’ve just spoke with – also, gloves always help when you are carrying heavy equipment. Now, if you want to be a pro, then you should have a head set and a knife for lay-out boards.
She was paying as much attention as possible to try to sync every piece of equipment he referred to into the English words she knew. For now, all she could think was about the breakfast order and the much needed pen and paper, already on her hands.
- Oh, ok. Wow. It’s a lot of stuff, hun? I’ll do my best to have it by tomorrow, so I’d come a little more prepared.
- No, you don’t need it for tomorrow at all. There are PAs that never even get to buy that stuff. You don’t have to have it, it’s just helpful.
- Thank you so much, Steve. There is so much to learn. I got to run for this one task, but I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.
- No need to get back to me, go learn the Set.
She runs to the yellow MoHo, and spotted Hank and two guys laughing while looking at her. "I’m the biggest joke in this fucking set, great! I just don’t know why I’m the only one running here, come on."
She stops by the yellow MoHo, glances at the closed door and walks in without knocking.
- Wow, wow, wow. Are you fucking crazy? There is Talent changing here, sweetie. Didn’t your mom teach you to knock before entering a closed door?
- Well, she did. I mean, I’m sorry, it’s because the last time I knoc…
- What do you need here, Honey? – A very trendy girl, with styled hair a lot a make up and a touch of attitude asked.
- I’m here for breakfast orders for talent.
- Oh, great. So, you’re welcome then.
- Thanks – "Bitches."
- So get your pen going ‘cause is just easier for us all to order through you.
- Ok.
She had no idea what she was in for. Fifteen breakfast orders later, she started sweating. She wondered how she was going to not fuck this up. She walked to the caterer and waited on the long line trying not to see and be seen. When her turn came she started blasting out the orders and the Chef kept staring at her without a response.
- Are you new?
- Yes, sir.
- How are you, darling? My name is Charlie.
- Hi Charlie, I’m Chica. Sorry about this crazy order, I just don’t know a better way to do it.
- Ok, Chica – Wow, he said my name right – I’ll do something for you but don’t tell no one ok, come around and get in here.
She walks to the side of the truck and realizes the fully equipped kitchen they have working as busy as any restaurant. She goes up the two steps and stands by the door.
- I see you got a list with you. Why don’t you give me the list and I’ll take care of it for you.
- Seriously?
- Well, we usually can’t do it like this, but I see it’s your first day, almost everyone already ate and you certainly look a little overwhelmed.
- Can you tell?
- Yes I can, little Chica.
- Charlie, I don’t know how to thank you. Should I just wait here?
- You know, it’ll take me about ten minutes to get this all ready. Why don’t you go to set and keep checking with me when you can?
- That sounds great, I really don’t know how to thank you enough.
- Don’t worry about it. I’ve been on your spot before.
- Have you? Really?
- It’s a long story. I’ll tell you another time, right?
- Yeah, yeah. Please don’t let me distract you.
Charlie walks right back into business like she was never there. She’s still wants to thank him more, but she has no other option but moving on.
She runs back to Ethan and tells him that the orders are being taken care of. He thanks her for following up, but warns her she could use the Radio next time instead of looking for him. "God, I’m dumb." He walks away answering the Radio. "I should be paying more attention to this Walkie."
She wonders what to do next. She sees Patrick standing by Scott and walks to him.
- What’s going on?
- Just waiting to see if we’ll need Lock Ups.
- Lock Ups…
- We always need to lock up spots that crew or boogies may walk through when we're shooting. We need to check the frame in the monitor and see what’s going on. When we start rolling camera we need to yell “Roooolling”, and ask people to wait until we cut to cross frame. Then we yell “Cuuuut” when we hear the 1st AD saying it.
- Got you.
He shows her the frame on the Village’s monitor. He points the spots that Scott will probably request Lock Ups. Everything goes through the 1st AD’s approval.
More and more it looks like things are taking their places on Set. A group of guys carry heavy frames through the Set and stage one of them right above Camera. They all seem to be in a different Radio channel.
- Who are those guys?
- Ok, crash course on the departments: Those guys are the Grips, they arrange all the heavy frames, and all the equipment that has to do with lighting, but the light itself. All the power, light bulbs, cables, any electricity involved in general is the Electric crew’s responsibility.
- Oh, ok. They have their own channel.
- Every department is in a different channel; otherwise it would be a cluster fuck.
Then there’s the Camera department, the DP shoots, the first AC does the camera focus, the 2nd AC takes care of the mags and the loader preps and wraps the film itself; The art department dresses the whole Set; and Props are the ones responsible for any object or food that Talent touches.
- It’s so funny this thing about calling “Talent this, Talent that”, instead of actors.
- Then there is VTR, which takes care of playbacks and transmission of image to Village and Director. Sound doesn’t need introductions. At last the usual Vanities. The divas. Make up, wardrobe and hair. Good luck with those ones. But, I got to highlight, that’s where the hot girls live, so I’m always helping them out, you know.
She was too busy trying to download everything into her brain to be able to pay attention on chick comments. It was a fucking lot to learn. "I’m never going to get it. These people are my heroes, how do they know so much, for Christ sake? Oh, no, breakfast. I got to check on the breakfast order."
...
- Hey, Kiddo. Let me tell you something. You’re doing great, we all see you trying really hard. Don’t let these fuckers be contagious. Just watch. Pay close attention, try to soak as much as you can, and keep working hard. You have potential, I can tell.
She felt like crying. He had no idea how much she needed something like that.
- Hey, hey. I’m watching you. Swallow these tears. You got to be Latin, just like my wife and her emotional “condition”.
- Yeah, I’m Latin, and emotional. It’s just being a little too much information, you know.
- Do you think anyone in the world could learn it in a day? You are doing amazing. Just remember there are great PAs out there, but most of them are bums, don’t become one of those.
(TO BE CONTINUED...)
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Fork on the road
(Try to rig this bitch...)Dois caminhos dentro de um só
Decisão a ser tomada
Sensação de oportunidade que passa e não volta mais
Escolha difícil mas que não chega a doer
Decisão boa de tomar
Dois caminhos que tem o mesmo objetivo
Que no fim/começo levam ao mesmo lugar
Lado de cá é longo e seguro
É suado que só
E para lá de mau-remunerado
Cabe até chamar de ingrato
Mundo que vem com aprendizado diário
E muita função descartável
Cheio de inconveniencias e cansaço
Caminho linear que qualquer um pode tomar
Lado de cá eu conheço
Sei a fórmula do dia-a-dia
E o peso de cada detalhe
Caminho que me leva sem dúvida
A objetivos fáceis de pensar
E orgulho diário com o posto alcançado
Mundo de conquistas longas
E muita responsabilidade
Mundo do cérebro
De decisões de peso
Mundo de stress e status
Já o lado de lá assusta mais
Lado de lá é meio esquisito
Cheio de paradoxos
Onde caminho é curto por pura sorte minha
Lado que vem em oportunidade única
Rara e desejada
Que vem dinheiro, e muito
Vem com trabalho duro
Experiência enorme
Bordada em desafios físicos
E amizades para longa data
Mundo desconhecido
Com suas novas terminologias
Cheias de soluções complexas
E Parafernalias metálicas
Mundo de Difusões, Gels
Ultra-Bounces e Duvatines
Poço fundo de descobertas nada frívolas
Mundo de ferramentas suspensas no cinto-encosto-de-costa
De Mombo-Combos e molduras gigantescas
Mundo que inclui Steven Spielberg
E fogos de artifício Hollywoodianos
Mundo que inclui também homens brutos
Arrogantes em sua força braçal
E cargas ultra pesadas
Mundo em que se segue ordens
Em que reina machismo e palavrão
Mundo que altura muda tudo
Em que vivo na ponta do pé
Rindo e aprendendo
Mundo masculino cheio de preconceitos e esteriótipos
Mundo que não é para caber menina
Mas eu sô é Mulher né
Hei de caber em qualquer mundo
...Pelo menos por 3 mesesinhos
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Tales From The Set
Major Superstar DP Yells out loud to girl PA on a 250 people set
- Hey, I've heard you from Brazil. Do you shave your vaginaaa?
Girl PA looks at him, whole set stares at her
- Why, do you shave yours?
He likes her, He still yells on top of his lungs
- Just stay away from the Americans, all they want is blow jobs and anal sex
__________
Music video Director yelling on bullhorn
- Fuck this little jogging, you guys got to run like the Jews were being burnt in ovens
__________
Music video Director on bullhorn
- You guys there ,background whatever, from now on I'll call you bitches. MOVE BITCHES
__________
Grip guy
- Hey honey, let me take you home with me after work
Girl
- Shut up
Grip Guy
- Got to introduce you to my wife first.
__________
Set dresser
- You really cool, definitely want to work with you again. May I have your number for work
Next day phone rings
Set dresser
- Hey there, just wondering, do you like Thai food?
__________
PA
- No, no I'm actually not a PA, I'm a director and screenwriter, I've been trying to put this one project together, you know
__________
9am on set
PA
- Hey man, sorry to say but you have shit all over your nose
Key Grip
- What? Coke? Oh, hold on - he re-snores it - what about now?
__________
Music video Producer to PA
- I want you to cater to my girls... no, let me rephrase this, I want you to kiss their asses to the point that it gets obnoxious
__________
Producer to PA, nothing going on the set
- What's your name? Why are you chatting with the AC? You're not supposed to distract anyone. Return your walkie please, you should go home now.
__________
"Experienced" PA to rookie one
- Stop, stop, that's not the right way to tie a trash bag
__________
Superstar Talent at Malibu at 2am, no Jelly beans on craft service
- Guys, I want ONE Jelly Bean, thank you
__________
PA offset smoking weed
1st AD on radio
- Anyone has eyes on wardrobe
Stoned PA out of complete assumption
- She's by Craft, sir
__________
Aerial shots rolling for an hour, planes come down, Major director yells:
- Got the shot! Moving on!
1st AD
- Well, Agency wants a tight of the pilot flying
Major/Psycho Director yells right next to Village
- Fuck the Agency! I call the shots here, I gave them more than they asked for, there's enough footage! WE ARE MOVING ON!
Complete silence on set, 1stAD whispers with Agency for a second
1st AD on the Radio
- Checking the gate!
___________
- Hey, I've heard you from Brazil. Do you shave your vaginaaa?
Girl PA looks at him, whole set stares at her
- Why, do you shave yours?
He likes her, He still yells on top of his lungs
- Just stay away from the Americans, all they want is blow jobs and anal sex
__________
Music video Director yelling on bullhorn
- Fuck this little jogging, you guys got to run like the Jews were being burnt in ovens
__________
Music video Director on bullhorn
- You guys there ,background whatever, from now on I'll call you bitches. MOVE BITCHES
__________
Grip guy
- Hey honey, let me take you home with me after work
Girl
- Shut up
Grip Guy
- Got to introduce you to my wife first.
__________
Set dresser
- You really cool, definitely want to work with you again. May I have your number for work
Next day phone rings
Set dresser
- Hey there, just wondering, do you like Thai food?
__________
PA
- No, no I'm actually not a PA, I'm a director and screenwriter, I've been trying to put this one project together, you know
__________
9am on set
PA
- Hey man, sorry to say but you have shit all over your nose
Key Grip
- What? Coke? Oh, hold on - he re-snores it - what about now?
__________
Music video Producer to PA
- I want you to cater to my girls... no, let me rephrase this, I want you to kiss their asses to the point that it gets obnoxious
__________
Producer to PA, nothing going on the set
- What's your name? Why are you chatting with the AC? You're not supposed to distract anyone. Return your walkie please, you should go home now.
__________
"Experienced" PA to rookie one
- Stop, stop, that's not the right way to tie a trash bag
__________
Superstar Talent at Malibu at 2am, no Jelly beans on craft service
- Guys, I want ONE Jelly Bean, thank you
__________
PA offset smoking weed
1st AD on radio
- Anyone has eyes on wardrobe
Stoned PA out of complete assumption
- She's by Craft, sir
__________
Aerial shots rolling for an hour, planes come down, Major director yells:
- Got the shot! Moving on!
1st AD
- Well, Agency wants a tight of the pilot flying
Major/Psycho Director yells right next to Village
- Fuck the Agency! I call the shots here, I gave them more than they asked for, there's enough footage! WE ARE MOVING ON!
Complete silence on set, 1stAD whispers with Agency for a second
1st AD on the Radio
- Checking the gate!
___________
Monday, February 19, 2007
David
Sou escultura nova
A cada dia minimamente lapidada
Nunca sei o resultado final
E rezo para que um acidente fatal
Um dia tire de mim qualquer prenúncio de notícias do fim
Gosto de surpresas
Sou certa em minhas incertezas
E firme em minhas decisões
Todo dia me choco com meus segredos
Meu rio é para lá de flexível
Todas as margens se adaptam às marés
Quanto mais riacho descubro
Mais aproveito a correnteza
Gosto de mim para caramba
E desse monstrinho feliz que construo a cada dia
A cada dia minimamente lapidada
Nunca sei o resultado final
E rezo para que um acidente fatal
Um dia tire de mim qualquer prenúncio de notícias do fim
Gosto de surpresas
Sou certa em minhas incertezas
E firme em minhas decisões
Todo dia me choco com meus segredos
Meu rio é para lá de flexível
Todas as margens se adaptam às marés
Quanto mais riacho descubro
Mais aproveito a correnteza
Gosto de mim para caramba
E desse monstrinho feliz que construo a cada dia
Me desculpa religião...
Sendo eu uma crente veemente do conceito de ação-reação
Só tenho fé em consequências
Só tenho fé em consequências
Monday, February 12, 2007
Feliz
Primeira vez que sou sozinha sem expectativa nem previsão
Passo dias e dias sem nem lembrar de pensar em ter alguém
Estou repleta de mim
Com todos buraquinhos preenchidos
Tô com direção
Caminho sólido que construo em passos largos
Meu jardim tá florido que só
Sonhos são planos
Conquisto tudo que desejo
Desejo é produção
Acordo todo dia de sorriso aberto
Pronta para a dinâmica doida que meu mundo oferece
Estou tão feliz comigo mesma
Por hora tô sem espaço para compartilhar
Gosto da minha rotina
Preciso do meu tempo
Quero estar sozinha
Aprendi de fato a estimar minhas decisões
Aprendi que tenho escolha sempre
Aprendo todo dia a me repensar
Quebrar todas as certezas e reavaliar
Quero sempre me melhorar
Estou focada
Está tudo tão mais fácil
Amo a estrutura que construo a cada dia
Amo meus desafios diários
E todas as surpresas que rasgam minha rotina
Aprendi a aproveitar cada minuto
Aprendi a olhar para o céu
E ver estrela até em noite de chuva
Meu copo está cheio de ar
Passo dias e dias sem nem lembrar de pensar em ter alguém
Estou repleta de mim
Com todos buraquinhos preenchidos
Tô com direção
Caminho sólido que construo em passos largos
Meu jardim tá florido que só
Sonhos são planos
Conquisto tudo que desejo
Desejo é produção
Acordo todo dia de sorriso aberto
Pronta para a dinâmica doida que meu mundo oferece
Estou tão feliz comigo mesma
Por hora tô sem espaço para compartilhar
Gosto da minha rotina
Preciso do meu tempo
Quero estar sozinha
Aprendi de fato a estimar minhas decisões
Aprendi que tenho escolha sempre
Aprendo todo dia a me repensar
Quebrar todas as certezas e reavaliar
Quero sempre me melhorar
Estou focada
Está tudo tão mais fácil
Amo a estrutura que construo a cada dia
Amo meus desafios diários
E todas as surpresas que rasgam minha rotina
Aprendi a aproveitar cada minuto
Aprendi a olhar para o céu
E ver estrela até em noite de chuva
Meu copo está cheio de ar
Monday, January 22, 2007
Larara
Felicidade é segundo selado com gosto de língua
Suspiro que transborda das cavernas do peito
Vem em gargalhada calada
Ano novo acidental
e seus fogos de artifício
Felicidade não tem nada de complicado
Vive na vizinhança espreitando convite
Quando vem estampa momento
Escreve parágrafo pra lá de pra sempre na memória
Felicidade Invade em sorriso quase clandestino
Um certo grito acorda-maluco nas veias
E os olhos brilham que chegam a ter nuvem
Sangue nada em correnteza
Tão forte chega a pulsar
E o corpo parece mais vivo
mais leve
mais encaixado
O corpo está
Felicidade mora na gente
Amarelo vivo com um splashs de azul
Felicidade bate
Deixa entrar
Monday, January 08, 2007
Decisao
Sou definitiva para caramba
Minhas decisões fazem um barulhinho "click"
Pronto
Processo que conclui
Discussão só vale antes do tal barulhinho
Depois já era
Não tem volta
Tento até tentar voltar atrás
Mas onde já se viu contrariar epífane?
Minhas decisões fazem um barulhinho "click"
Pronto
Processo que conclui
Discussão só vale antes do tal barulhinho
Depois já era
Não tem volta
Tento até tentar voltar atrás
Mas onde já se viu contrariar epífane?
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