Recomeço mais uma vez
Tudo de novo
Nada de novo
HUmildade escarrada em meu rosto
Andar para trás para andar para frente
Otimismo fundamental
Tenho que ser positiva
Começar de novo
Mais uma vez
Thursday, October 04, 2007
Mind Game
Same planet
Different ground
We still share the same moon
Even though different stars align our skies
Weird dynamic this long distance thing has
The lack of communication brings drowning consequences
If we don't talk for a day
Or if it's just petty talk with no love
It feels really ordinary
And I slowly drift away from it afterward
What is left is a feeling only nurtured by memories
By the day, they turn more and more yellow
The drawer where you reside gets dustier
The voice on the phone gets less familiar
We've been lacking romance
Sometimes it feels like an old friend
That I keep insisting not to forget
I don't want one more friend
I don't want a mild relationship simply to take away my heart
There is no longing for someone just to fulfill that space
Someone to bottle up my sexuality and love
And take no sips out of it
The joy becomes questions
The certainty melts into thousands of little wonders
And I begin to ask myself what am I doing
It's that recurrent thought that keeps coming back when there is no excitement
Why am I holding on to so little?
When this all feels just ordinary
I end up trying to relive the days we shared
To refresh the way I felt with you
I keep trying to remember how you feel against my skin
How you taste
How you smell
I could bear not knowing your smell anymore
Even not being able to draw your face in my eyes
But I can't bear lacking on excitement
I don't want to become oblivious
You become a distant voice through the phone cord
Unrevealed words on my phone screen
An electronic reminiscence of the man I chose to see
What's the point
Better just uncommit
And let it be
Different ground
We still share the same moon
Even though different stars align our skies
Weird dynamic this long distance thing has
The lack of communication brings drowning consequences
If we don't talk for a day
Or if it's just petty talk with no love
It feels really ordinary
And I slowly drift away from it afterward
What is left is a feeling only nurtured by memories
By the day, they turn more and more yellow
The drawer where you reside gets dustier
The voice on the phone gets less familiar
We've been lacking romance
Sometimes it feels like an old friend
That I keep insisting not to forget
I don't want one more friend
I don't want a mild relationship simply to take away my heart
There is no longing for someone just to fulfill that space
Someone to bottle up my sexuality and love
And take no sips out of it
The joy becomes questions
The certainty melts into thousands of little wonders
And I begin to ask myself what am I doing
It's that recurrent thought that keeps coming back when there is no excitement
Why am I holding on to so little?
When this all feels just ordinary
I end up trying to relive the days we shared
To refresh the way I felt with you
I keep trying to remember how you feel against my skin
How you taste
How you smell
I could bear not knowing your smell anymore
Even not being able to draw your face in my eyes
But I can't bear lacking on excitement
I don't want to become oblivious
You become a distant voice through the phone cord
Unrevealed words on my phone screen
An electronic reminiscence of the man I chose to see
What's the point
Better just uncommit
And let it be
Monday, October 01, 2007
Cultural Influence
Aging has been changing my character profoundly
There is a new "giving" side of me rising
lately I started this thing of voluntarily helping random people
Despite of my up-bringing by a proudly politically incorrect dad
With his remarkable statements such as "nothing worst than doing favors"
I've been very surprised by my change of behavior
It'd be ok if it was only that one single case of helping wasted Britney Spears puke in a Hollywood bar
I know, I know! She is still a human being though...I had to
But anyway, this past Friday I caught myself literally car chasing a thug that had just mugged and old man which I'd probably never be able to find again
I'm serious
I was coming out of a parking garage
Out of the blue, I saw a man running out of The Grove letting stuff fall from underneath his shirt
Security was all over the place running after him
And a shocked well dressed old man checking his pockets hopelessly
I couldn't believe I was the only one actually with the sight of the thief
And even though I was doing an important run for work with very limited time
I surprisingly decided to put my tasks aside
And go catch the bad wolf
After driving through narrow alleys
Doing all kinds of illegal turns
While relating every detail to 911
Which - weirdly enough - advised me to keep chasing him
Despite the fact that I am just an ordinary civilian
Unarmed and alone
And we had no idea of how dangerous he might be
After watching him changing clothes while running
And eventually noticing me
The crazy girl in the little Civic
Following him like a mad cow
After telling 911 that I eventually would have to give up
And move on with my daily tasks
And being intensively advised not to stop the chase
I finally see a cop car
Which I repeatedly try to stop while they pretended not to see me
Eventually I had to jump out of my car and run after the cops
While I potentially could have had lost sight of my dear thug
I was then told by them that they couldn't help me
"But wait, there he is, see, can you guys please just catch him, he's 20 feet way"
"Are you still with 911 on the phone?"
"Yes Sir, They told me to chase him while waiting for you guys"
"Well, you're doing a great job, just make sure you keep chasing him and don't hang up with 911. We can't help you, but have a nice day"
And just like that, the so-called heroes drove away with no qualms
Eating their sugary donuts
laughing at the funny immigrant
that probably inspired by her border crossing skills
Was now running after the bad guys
They left their task to me
Just like I was the one supposed to serve and protect
To drop my ordinary life
And spend my Friday afternoon catching a thief with my bare hands
I was shocked
I sat back in my driver seat
Watching my beloved friend drift away into the streets of Hollywood
With what was left of the old man's belongings under his shirt
While I felt so important and impotent at the same time
I began wondering since when this Hero conduct
Started building inside me
And more importantly
Why???
Coming from a 3rd world country
Watching violence through my little eyes since early age
Having been mugged at gun point several times
Car jacked,kidnapped and all the violence one can think of
Having always behaved like a fragile and friendly victim
I was very surprised with my gut reaction
It felt that being in US
Having safety as one of the biggest reasons
That I feel better here than in Rio
I felt like I couldn't allow impunity
To shatter my "American-way-of-life"
Perhaps, since living in such a citizen-oriented culture
Where people actually respect each others rights
And impunity doesn't work as well as in Brazil
Perhaps, I've been becoming more caring
I now let cars pass in front of me even though they are skipping the whole line
I respect the majority of the traffic rules
Even not crossing a red stop light at 4 in the morning
I don't honk
I tell a random peasant that a $100 fell from his pocket
I think twice before having some PDA
I give 25% tips
I cordially say "Hi, how are you?" to people I don't know
I say "excuse-me" and "thank you" for any given reason
I don't bump into people while walking on the street
I actually respect the arm-length rule of personal space
I even helped and old lady cross a busy street the other day
Strange, man
So unlikely coming from my sly/only-care-for-your-ass cultural background
Here I am, voluntarily becoming an exemplary citizen
What the fuck?
I can hear my dad saying
"Are you trying to be on the News????"
Sorry dad, I'll try not to disappoint you too much
There is a new "giving" side of me rising
lately I started this thing of voluntarily helping random people
Despite of my up-bringing by a proudly politically incorrect dad
With his remarkable statements such as "nothing worst than doing favors"
I've been very surprised by my change of behavior
It'd be ok if it was only that one single case of helping wasted Britney Spears puke in a Hollywood bar
I know, I know! She is still a human being though...I had to
But anyway, this past Friday I caught myself literally car chasing a thug that had just mugged and old man which I'd probably never be able to find again
I'm serious
I was coming out of a parking garage
Out of the blue, I saw a man running out of The Grove letting stuff fall from underneath his shirt
Security was all over the place running after him
And a shocked well dressed old man checking his pockets hopelessly
I couldn't believe I was the only one actually with the sight of the thief
And even though I was doing an important run for work with very limited time
I surprisingly decided to put my tasks aside
And go catch the bad wolf
After driving through narrow alleys
Doing all kinds of illegal turns
While relating every detail to 911
Which - weirdly enough - advised me to keep chasing him
Despite the fact that I am just an ordinary civilian
Unarmed and alone
And we had no idea of how dangerous he might be
After watching him changing clothes while running
And eventually noticing me
The crazy girl in the little Civic
Following him like a mad cow
After telling 911 that I eventually would have to give up
And move on with my daily tasks
And being intensively advised not to stop the chase
I finally see a cop car
Which I repeatedly try to stop while they pretended not to see me
Eventually I had to jump out of my car and run after the cops
While I potentially could have had lost sight of my dear thug
I was then told by them that they couldn't help me
"But wait, there he is, see, can you guys please just catch him, he's 20 feet way"
"Are you still with 911 on the phone?"
"Yes Sir, They told me to chase him while waiting for you guys"
"Well, you're doing a great job, just make sure you keep chasing him and don't hang up with 911. We can't help you, but have a nice day"
And just like that, the so-called heroes drove away with no qualms
Eating their sugary donuts
laughing at the funny immigrant
that probably inspired by her border crossing skills
Was now running after the bad guys
They left their task to me
Just like I was the one supposed to serve and protect
To drop my ordinary life
And spend my Friday afternoon catching a thief with my bare hands
I was shocked
I sat back in my driver seat
Watching my beloved friend drift away into the streets of Hollywood
With what was left of the old man's belongings under his shirt
While I felt so important and impotent at the same time
I began wondering since when this Hero conduct
Started building inside me
And more importantly
Why???
Coming from a 3rd world country
Watching violence through my little eyes since early age
Having been mugged at gun point several times
Car jacked,kidnapped and all the violence one can think of
Having always behaved like a fragile and friendly victim
I was very surprised with my gut reaction
It felt that being in US
Having safety as one of the biggest reasons
That I feel better here than in Rio
I felt like I couldn't allow impunity
To shatter my "American-way-of-life"
Perhaps, since living in such a citizen-oriented culture
Where people actually respect each others rights
And impunity doesn't work as well as in Brazil
Perhaps, I've been becoming more caring
I now let cars pass in front of me even though they are skipping the whole line
I respect the majority of the traffic rules
Even not crossing a red stop light at 4 in the morning
I don't honk
I tell a random peasant that a $100 fell from his pocket
I think twice before having some PDA
I give 25% tips
I cordially say "Hi, how are you?" to people I don't know
I say "excuse-me" and "thank you" for any given reason
I don't bump into people while walking on the street
I actually respect the arm-length rule of personal space
I even helped and old lady cross a busy street the other day
Strange, man
So unlikely coming from my sly/only-care-for-your-ass cultural background
Here I am, voluntarily becoming an exemplary citizen
What the fuck?
I can hear my dad saying
"Are you trying to be on the News????"
Sorry dad, I'll try not to disappoint you too much
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)