Acid Reflux

Don't go tasting
The Past has expired
I'm sure you don't want no indigestion

End

The glass has broken
It cut through the skin
We bled out
Dried up stream

All we have left is scar

Tequila

God, you taste like a bad memory!

A Few of My Favorite Things

• Waking up at five in the morning and reading in bed until I fall asleep again
• Turning on the music the second I get up
• Working out right away
• A long burning shower
• Brunch with friends in an outside patio; eggs
• Fresh squeezed orange juice any time of the day
• Writing profusely for twelve hours straight, even forgetting about hunger
• Writing even if it’s only for five minutes
• Thinking about my love, talking to him, being with him, loving him
• Skipping and twirling
• Running Runyon Canyon to Rocky Balboa-ish soundtrack
• Biking in Venice in a summer dress and high-heel sandals
• Swimming in any ocean that is warm
• Walking barefoot on dirt, sand, mud, grass, snow; walking barefoot
• Waterfalls and the hike that leads to them
• Cow poo smell
• Rain smell; thunders
• Playing soccer at the beach with friends - skillful ones only, please
• Coconut water - from an actual coconut
• A palm tree, a hammock and a book (or a Corona)
• Frescobol
• Tennis - new addiction
• Feeling lean, taken care
• Movies; watching two movies in a row alone
• Skypeing my mom and dad - separately, laughing and chatting philosophy and thoughts for hours and hours
• Dinner anywhere and everywhere; ambiance, food and company
• Gourmet food
• Macrobiotic food
• Cooking for myself or for a crazy bunch
• Fruits
• Running without a route in the late night after work, when I thought there would be no way I’d have energy left
• Masturbating without a vibrator
• Porn
• Fore playing
• Sex with love
• Fuck with love
• Being manhandled by my man
• Kissing, French kissing long and soft
• Looking at my love from so close that it seems that he has three eyes
• Cuddling, spooning, hugging
• Caressing and loving
• Intimacy
• Massage; foot massage overall
• Singing out loud
• Crying of joy
• Dancing out to Brazilian music or Soul, or really any music at all
• Traveling to any place that I’ve seen or haven’t seen; change of scenery
• Rolling and smoking my dubbies, alone or in good company
• Laughing so much that I feel like I’ve been doing crunches
• Talking, telling stories, changing perspectives, motivating, trading inspiration
• Listening
• Discussing anything
• Thinking, but not over thinking
• People, learning people as far apart from me as they can be; opening their treasure chests
• Feeling; the snow, the breeze, the sun, the rain, feeling love, happiness, anger, pain; being alive
• Sleeping as late as possible; not letting the day die

Alice's Hole

Today it rains
The raindrops deafen my hunger
My limbs refuse to get me out of bed
My mind has exhausted my body

It’s been a week
The clothes slither through the dirty floor
Piles of hair gathered into colonies of dirt
The sink is full
The glass is empty

My skin has molted
The armor has collapsed
What's left is scattered splatter
I'm paralyzed, staring at my pieces

I have contemplated contemplating suicide
I have thought about thinking about it
I have wished I could be a little bit less into living
But I have lapsed that tool in my box
I’ll cry instead

I sit on my self-sorrow and wish for the world to be compelled
I cry out loud, but there is no one around to hear
Hello, hello, hello-llo-llo echoes in my walls
Is there anyone out there to save me from my depth?

I then remember my vanity wouldn’t want to be seen like this
I comb my hair with my fingers
And wipe away the dry slobber off my mouth
Please, stop seeking attention
You must only emerge when fixed

And let me justify my excuses,
I’m not one to pretend steadiness, to forge temperance
I have never been ashamed of my darkness
But I should be reminded to not distraught what is left of my beauty reputation
I must leave something to hold on to

So don’t tell anyone
But it’s fucking dark in here
I’m in the bottom of a bottomless pond
Where a kid once fell and it was never to be found again
I've held on to the walls
And scuffed the tip of my fingers into flesh
I have lastly ceased on trying to climb back the way in

There must be some kind of way out of here
Said the joker to the thief

But let me be pathetic a little bit longer
Let me sob against the dirt until my self-criticism comes to mock me
Why do I need to want more?
Why can't I just blindly comply with what they taught me about destiny?
Why did I need to go around admitting my dreams?
Now I stare at the mirror
Ashamed of not yet being what I see

I should have lived in denial
Conformed to what was on the platter for me
I should have accepted the leftover of my will
And taken for granted the aftertaste of the wishes I haven’t fulfilled

But no, the evil drive had to step in
The fundamental ambition of self-realization broke into my glass house of conformity
And the solidly built foundation turned out to be a very thin layer of exceeded longings

Now I hold hands with the potential of fiasco
I have risked my every secret
All those great self-expectations I was so afraid of confessing to myself
Are suddenly freed to bully me
I stand already broken by the anticipation of failure
Avoiding acknowledging I’m aware that there is still track left to be run

There will always be


I’m suddenly awaken off my daze by shouts from the top of the pond
Artificial lights are trying to spot me down here
They came to rescue me

Stop, Stop!
I shall not be saved by anyone else but me

I must walk away from this sad funeral of my old soul
That one that lived off grand excuses and linearity
That one that only stepped on safe ground and empty certainties
I must leave the flowers over my coffin to dry alone

I am to dig a new tunnel
Unknown path into virgin forests
I must dive into my truth
Swim heavy current of surpassed convictions
Dodging the debris of an old identity
And let the past expire

I must give birth to my butterfly-self
The colored wings my meekness has fought so hard against its growth
I must allow my mind to heal my fears and embrace my aspiration
I must become all that I am within