Cresci
Amadureci
Mudei

Não tenho mais tempo para desperdício
Para joguinho
Palhaçada

Sou mulher para caralho
Pacote completo
Cheia de possibilidades
Flexível

Mas não me empurra
Não se faz de desavisado
E não tente me confundir

Não sou de meio termo
Mais ou Menos não vale a pena

Quero tudo ou nada
Então sai do muro
Fode ou sai de cima
A fila anda

Vai se fazer de gostoso
Vai sobrar a pangarezada de audiência
Eu pulo fora rapidinho

Quando menos viu
Cadê Teresa?

Que pena

Pet Phones

Weird relationships people establish with their phones

The other day I woke up and my phone was pitch-black,
unworkable and seemly un-fixable
I desperately tried to turn it off and on
I took the battery out and put it back in
I connected to my car charger
I watch the little red light go on - hopehopehope
And immediately off

Heavy dark-grayed clouds stormed over my little spot on the freeway

I felt my whole world falling down into a gray blurry
I wondered if the boy-toys called twenty five times even though it wasn't even weekend
I wondered how many work calls I missed
How many e-mails I wouldn't know I got until I get to the office in 20 endless minutes
What if something happened to my family in Brazil
What if I get into an accident, how am I going to call someone????
I felt an immediate urge to call all my friends
Acquaintances
All the people I haven't talked in years were now suddenly a necessity to be reached

I felt lonely in my car
Unreachable
I got stressed out

After many frustrated costumer service calls and all kinds of different procedures to follow
After listening to the hideous automatic voice giving me every option I don't want
and listening to old kylle Minogue electronically singing badly out of my lousy speakers
After even contemplating sending the broken-english representative to hell
I decided to plug my phone charger into the wall outlet as a last try
Just because I had to know I done it all under my power

At first it tricked me for a second
The light went on and off again as the first time
I got so disappointed that I left right there
Connected to the outlet
Simply having given up
And all of a sudden
No shit
There it was the bright and shinny little fucker ironically smiling at me
Perfectly functioning

I realized that I'm so obsessed on having it handy that over the whole year that I've had this particular crack-berry I'd never let it completely run out of battery
It was the first time that my phone ever died

I then realized that
I feed it better than I water my plants
I maintain it better than my shaving schedule
I sleep with it right next to my head
Hoping to sleep deep enough not to wake up with its notifications
And it's the first thing I look at when I open my eye in the morning
(Am I lacking a romantic relationship in my life???)
It's better taken care of than my ex-boyfriend's cats
It's more valuable than my wallet (really????)

I can hear from miles away the first vibrations before the ring comes out
Excitement pumping my chest
Who is it?
Who could it be?
Sudden hope of don't know what

I get the news
I share my pics
I e-mail my dad in Brazil
I sex-text the loved one
I check my calendar and say no to jobs I want
I play video games waiting for my Starbucks
I conference call/Video call/Ichat/Mapquest/save passwords/set alarms/file people's personal info/Google anything I can think of
I live through this little technological brick on my hands

Walking around tinseltown I watch random people speaking out loud to no one
Too involved in their blue-tooth conversations
Lost with all the different voices in their heads
Having their calls dropped
Three people on call-wait
E-mails running into text messages into peoples messages into live people words
Bombs over Bagdah in their ears
Every little sound coming out of it announcing possibilities
All through that tiny hole
All at once


I spend more time on my phone than with anyone else
Fucking modernity
So connected to people's gadgets
So far from their live presences



P.S.: How ironic life is, guess which job I'm working while I write this: Iphone...

A job went away

Reciclagem
Mudança
Transição

Corrente estagnada atrás de pedregulho

Não é verdade!
Perspectiva é a alma do comportamento

Oportunidade que vai para nova porta poder abrir
Cada chave uma decisão

Faz da merda adubo
Encara problema com solução
Entende que da crise vem a oportunidade
O crescimento

Respeita a calmaria
Aguenta a instabilidade

Poupe
Seja sensata com dinheiro
Aprende!

You

In my chest
all at once
Revolution

Two souls evolving into phenomenon
Every particle in communion by osmoses
Together we are empowered

You full moon changing my tide
Sterling ocean-blue eyes shining my brain's sky
Pipeline wave pleasantly breaking into every grain of my sand ground

You massive earthquake
Endless aftermath

Your voice Bossa Nova in my ears
Each syllable smoothly resonating through my cells
Jazz Sax playing in my soul

Our rivers merge into an ocean
Disregarding edges
Unforgiving limits

Too early for expectations, plans, ideas
Great just because of the intensity of such an easy feeling
Disregarding agendas and possibilities
Forgetting distance and realities

It doesn't matter tomorrow
Either any possible prospect

I feed you in me just for the sake of your taste in my tongue
I write you now just because i enjoy you swimming through my mind

I'm not scared either anxious
I'm just desiring you for the pleasure that comes with it
Desire that immediately becomes production

And if tomorrow we don't see each other anymore
If life draws us separate paths
It worthed enough for me to feel all this to the point of
Inevitably shoving these words into a blank paper

I write you because it wasn't enough keeping this golden storm in my body
I'm writing simply because I have to

Namorar Melhor

Chega de repetição
Quero fazer tudo diferente
Cansei dos mesmos ciclos

Quero amor duradouro
que chega para ficar
to exausta de enjoar, cansar, desanimar

Quero aprender a alimentar mais amor menos paixão
Crescer juntos coisa e tal
gerar história
construir estrutura
Compartilhar a vida

Quero namoro para anos
para vida
Quero tesão que não vai embora
Cansei de infinito enquanto dure

Quero amar muito
Ser cúmplice
Parceria
Quero admirar meu amor
Amá-lo
Nos inspirarmos um ao outro

Quero aprender a me comprometer melhor
A aceitar
A sobreviver o difícil

Cansei do "homem do ano"
Do homem da hora

Cansei de descartar
Jogar para o alto
Deixar para tráz

Quero reaprender a amar

Fuck Buddie

Somos um para o outro dois putinhos
Nos vendendo nossos corpos
Por prazer promíscuo
Tenho idéia vaga do que reside por baixo da sua superfície
Meus olhos te traduzem em carne fresca

Quero seu gemido e corpo
Quero seu gozo e só
Quero você sem conseqüências
Sem amanhã

Depois de meia noite te vejo abóbora
Te uso
Eu, usufruto do teu prazer

Quero você pelado
Rasgado
Se esfregando no meu corpo suado

Quero você inteiro só por hoje
Sem sobrenome
Sem parentes
Sem história

Quero seu sexo extravasado em perversões
Quero pensar duas vezes antes de dizer teu nome
Quero você sem nome

Te vejo lindo
Dourado
Escaneando da sua altura a mulherada perdida
Te vi lá do outro lado
No pedestal que você constrói toda vez que sai da toca
Se achando o famoso que a carreira condiz

Não quero saber da novela passada
Nem da mulher famosa com que foi casado
Não quero sua glória
Menos ainda sua fama
Só quero teu corpo pelado gritando pelo meu

Não precisa se fazer de inocente
Nem de ser Querido sem ser
Esqueça palavrinhas dobradas
Promessas vazias
Só queremos nossos contornos

Talvez estejamos subestimando um ao outro
Mesmo até estejamos desperdiçando amizade
Saudade
E tudo mais que dois humanos podem acrescentar um ao outro
Pouco me importa

Sei seus motivos
Limito os meus aos mesmos
Não precisamos de caridade
Falsa ternura

Venho procurando um homem objeto há um tempo
Parece bom encaixe

Me pega safado, apertado, me morde
Me devassa e me amassa
Me arregaça em fantasias eróticas

Quero você jogado em minha cama
Sorrindo cansado
Olhos dois diamantes latejados

Somos um para o outro puro fetiche
Pura possibilidade
Seu corpo pesa gostoso sobre o meu

Quero desejo sem necessidade
Sem compromisso
Quero seu beijo por horas sem freio
Sem precisar saber da sua infância

Não me confunda
Estamos no mesmo barco
Queremos a mesma coisa um do outro

Então se deixe
Se largue em meus braços só por hoje
E para o amanhã
Só o que sobra são boas lembranças

The Question

Monday, September 10, 2007 – Immediately after the shock

The Question


I had to ask

He told me there is someone new
Someone that fits better
He said they have more in common
It's an age thing he said
It's too early for him to say he's in love

I was joking when I asked about a new love
He answered yes
My body chocked up in a tight knot
I was kidding
He wasn't
I fought the massive heartbeat with kind words
Not really kind
More like a blazé - far from blazé - inquire
I saw my heart pouring through the seven holes in my head

I had to shut myself

I got utterly curious
I got utterly hurt
I have no right to be hurt
I just wasn't prepared

I'm seating here battling against my brain
Battling to let it go
I stare at all the frivolous work in front of me
Everything looking so secondary
Floating around my table
My brain is everywhere but here

I was still thinking about him
I've wondered if I was still in love
The conflict between reality and potential getting me stuck in the middle

I was in love with the man I saw on him
It wasn't a mistaken idea of who he is
But a very clear notion of the man he hides inside

I got driven away by the waste of that great man
That for so long has been left alone in an old dusty drawer

I couldn't bear not having the best of him
I wasn't settling for the reminiscences of a Viking warrior
Turn into a sad kitten

It's like going black - so they say
Once you go there you can't step back

I wanted to do the best for him
I wanted to be the best for him
It wasn't enough
Perhaps it was too much
It just wasn't right

It's been a long farewell
I haven't gotten completely over
It embarrasses me to admit it
But I haven't

Until now I was still swimming on "ifs"

The other day I watched a movie called Dedication
It turn me inside out
For a second I forgot all the facts
I felt overflowed with an empty hope
It filled me up with wishful thoughts
Since then, I chose to remember the best of us

I remembered him full of himself
That one night he met my friends
He was so freaking well put together
Blue sweater, "Italian pure silk" beige blazer, new jeans…
Tanned
Happy

He was eleven feet tall that night
Golden and self-assured
He stood quiet through dinner but he was transpiring confidence
He was shining
He is brilliant

He was on his peek during those weeks
We were eating out, beaching, taking especial photos
We were even talking about dancing naked

I was so proud to see the improvement
I was so stunned with the new layers
I was so happy with us

I had the best intentions


Suddenly everything became blurry
I didn't see it coming
I couldn't tell what was going inside him
I only learned it when it was all already blocked
It was all already gone
I tried every way I could

I couldn't take it
I had to leave

I admit I got caught up in the forecast
Everything I felt we were becoming together pushed me in
I was astonished and happy with the You
With the Us I believed we were living
And I pushed it hard without noticing
Too hard
But I refuse to take sole responsibility

The other day, while complimenting an ex-boyfriend that had such great influence in my life, I was told by him that he refused to take the credit
He said

We all influence each other
One chooses to take it positively or negatively


I wanted Erik to be on his best
It felt like I wanted more than he did


Love is not enough