So I'm here staring at a set being built, watching the process of prepping a project and thinking about our process, our project.
First, I must say, it feels so good to have you as the backdrop of my days. You are always around my thoughts, constantly intruding the live animated foreground of these singular scenarios I float around. You reside in my brain, dancing through the seven holes on my head, swimming freely through my currents.
Still, I'm once again, a bit uneasy about your up coming visit. Never worrying about if things go well, but dreading the possibility of lacking chemistry. It's almost like I'm resting on the taste of you in my mouth, so pleased with the idea of watering this garden of giant sunflowers, that just considering the idea of looking at you and not clicking into all my perverted thoughts makes me cling. Chemistry does hit right away.
There is a lot to do with life baggage and past experiences; it has to do with opening my vulnerability and investing my heart into someone that I don't even know how it feels being around. And honestly, it has a lot to do with the longing for sexual compatibility - which is major- , because a friendship is obviously already here.
I'm afraid of picking you up at the airport and wanting to run the other way and not knowing how to walk away, if that's the case, without creating an awkward situation.
Jeez, I feel silly for over thinking, and I'd love to freeze these fearful thoughts into ice cubes, but I guess it's natural to hesitate due to the circumstances.
There is much I haven't told you and time will come to share those thingies, only then you may finally grasp where all these cloudy feelings are coming from. In the mean time I'll keep welcoming you into my sea.
Let it be!
