I've been feeling like a predator going through my 1/3 life crisis
I've always looked at men with perverted eyes
I take an incredible pleasure from observing them
I can feel their grips
And how their hands would run through a woman's body
I can picture their smile when they are in love
And all the tenderness flashing out of their lingering eyes
I can see the child on them
But also the tiger within
I can feel their pain and happiness
Crying of a broken heart or broken dreams
I imagine how they whisper when making love
And their horsey voices in the mornings
I watch their calves going up and down the streets
Their forearms holding tight to their wheels
I picture them naked
I imagine them jerking off alone in their dark bedrooms, living rooms, showers
I think about what kind of horny thoughts would trigger their minds
I imagine how their bodies shiver when they cum
I love men and everything about them
I can now tell from far the thrivers from the complainers
The ones that shut down when hurt
The ones that go right back into their teenager fighting tools when not able to handle a situation
Or the ones that use their sorrows as character builders
I can smell from miles away their types and methods and techniques
I've been arrogant on my wisdom
I may get broken in pretty soon from the high I'm getting off this pseudo knowledge
Here is where my 1/3 life crisis begins
I want to eat and be eaten by them
I want to explore and discover men like promise lands
I want to own and be owned
And all that sounds great
Problem is
Age, and as a consequence, experience (blah)
Brought this crazy high standard into my peanut brain
It's almost like there are no men perfect enough
for my imperfections
He's not smart enough
He's not handsome enough
He doesn't like his job
He's not creative
He's too artsy
He doesn't have a twisted sense of humor
He jokes too much
He's too proper
He is not philosophical enough
He's too trashy
He's too trendy
He dresses badly
He's too metro
He's not cultured enough
He's a snob
He's not sexual enough
His kiss is not my kind
He is too abandoned
He's not bad ass enough
He's just a bad ass and nothing more
He's not affectionate
He's too into me
He's not into me enough
Fuck
There is always a red flag to be found
Not allowing me to fall enough to at least get some ass
I mean dick, out of it
It's been a good year or so since I was able to just have fun
Maybe longer
And it's not like I'm looking for a boyfriend
...
Or maybe it is
And I'm just too cynical to accept my own romanticism
Tony has warned me
I'm still insisting on act upon a certain kind of thought process
That simply doesn't match my maturity level anymore
I grew up
But I keep insisting on this denial crap
I've been trying to fool my brain
But my body stops me from doing it
It pisses off the shit out of me
I don't even get wet anymore
It's ridiculous
And, I mean, I'm attracted to the men I go out on dates with
But I guess, not enough to take it to the next level
I went on a road trip full of porn fantasies
Eager to turn my masturbation dreams into actions
There he was
Hot and available
Eager to jump all over me
I couldn't even spoon him though
I couldn't get hard, and by that I mean myself
He, in the other hand, was hard the whole weekend around
Poor man
I didn't even try
One thing there is no way I can do is the charity fuck
Not anymore
I got back from the road trip not only hornier
But now with frustration added to the hot pot
So what
Am I waiting for the right guy
Even though just to think about that kind of bourgeois mentality makes me puke a bit in my mouth?
Am I the suburban queen with marriage dreams?
Have I been brain washed?
So I got my fuck buddy, right
I got this really stunning man
Serving me anytime I feel the need
He lives close by
He's as hot as it gets
And he's one call away
I actually heard something about him the other day that made him suddenly even hotter
Apparently, every vanity girl on the commercial world has been trying to get under his pants for the past years and no luck
So far no one have gotten the trophy
And myself, secretly the lucky one
(It wouldn't be fair to his pristine reputation to rub in my conquer on the horny little girls, besides, I never thrived to be envied for my sexual achievements)
Well, I treat him solely as the obscure object of my desire
Yes, yes, I must admit
I considered him for the boyfriend post for a second
But he was quickly demoted to the boytoy level
Once I gave him the space and he didn't managed it well
Back to fuck buddy basis
He lives minutes away
He walks into the door with dinner and dessert
We drink wine on my little dinner table and laugh to dim lights
He washes the dishes and immediately gets naked in a very smooth move
All his clothing dropping down in a matter of seconds
I find it endearing
He stands there bare on my living room
With the biggest bright smile
And his emerald eyes full of tenderness
Which makes me love him for the time being
I hold him by the hands
And take him to the slaughterhouse
We spoon and watch a couple of Family Guy episodes
Making out while still admittedly paying attention to the TV show
Long kisses interrupted by laughter
We eventually get lost into our bodies
Turn off the TV and fuck for a while
It used to take longer
He couldn't cum for a while and we eventually figured out that the Planned Parenthood condoms sucked
How predictable
Now with the new upgraded Whole Foods Japanese condoms we are done in half hour or so
I used to have more fun with him
It's now finally getting old
I'm losing interest
His ripped body has been looking more and more dull to my predator eyes
His smile doesn't soften me as much anymore
I guess around the time I was considering him as a boyfriend it had more to it
I used to feel this buzz around him
Now it's just a hard dick
That kisses really well
And it comes with a smoking body
A delicious laughter too
He does have a very sweet child-like trait to him
I got to give him that
See, when I put down in paper, he's great
Everything I could ask for
But I just don't have that for him anymore
We used to spoon
But I've been only forking him lately
